Criminal (2016) - Theatrical Review

Director: Ariel Vromen

Cast: Kevin Costner, Gary Oldman, Tommy Lee Jones, Alice Eve, Gal Gadot

Country: United States

Rating: R

Run Time: 113 min

Criminal is the latest entry in the "Over 50" sub-genre of action films that slowly began to grow in the early 90s, but more or less kicked off in the mid 2000s. These kind of action films tend to star an actor over fifty years of age who either has a strong connection to the action genre or none, and may or may not address their age in regards to the plot or types of action they get involved with. I wrote an extensive article on the matter once, entitled Old Guys Kick Ass, and noted that Pierre Morel's Taken was a major film in said movement whose effects can still be felt to this day. Ever since Liam Neeson picked up a gun and threw down with some bad guys in fairly gritty action scenes, every other aged male lead or action star has made an attempt to cash in on Taken's money or star in a film that somewhat emulates its plot, imagery, or sentiments.

In my article, I noted that Kevin Costner was one of the key figures in the "Over 50" sub-genre, as he used to be an action star in the 90s, yet started to appear in action films again in the 2010s with the likes of Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit and 3 Days to Kill (note: check out the History Channel mini-series, Hatfields and McCoys, if you want to see some prime aged Costner ass-kicking). While it's nice to finally see Costner tackle harder R-rated material with Criminal, one of his more violent action films to date, the film is an absolute mess and a complete embarrassment to the sub-genre and everyone involved with the production. In the words of my friend Chris Gutierrez, "This movie is criminal."

Poor Ryan Reynolds, you don't need to do movies like this anymore.

There is a plot at the center of Criminal, but good luck figuring it out while watching the film, as the action thriller heavily emulates the boring and overly complicated direct to video actioners that Steven Seagal has become so notorious for. When Bill Pope (Ryan Reynolds), a government agent, is killed by Xavier (Jordi Molla), a "Spanish Anarchist" as the movie refers to him, the government resorts to a memory swap program in order to extract precious information from his head about a skilled hacker. Dr. Franks (Tommy Lee Jones), a specialist on the matter, selects Jericho Stewart (Kevin Costner) to become the host of Pope's memories due to his special brain condition. After Stewart receives Pope's memories, he escapes from custody and heads out into the world. While he wishes to live a normal life again, the memories in his head force him to complete the mission the government selected him for. He also ends up protecting Pope's family in the process.

Where to begin with Criminal? Imagine if you were to take the plot of John Woo's Face/Off, and than fuse both characters from that film into one who is forced to share the same brain and body. Than also imagine if you were to remove more than half of the action from that film in order to make your newer film as boring as possible. Than also imagine if you were to treat the material as seriously as possible without a wink or a dash of humor anywhere, you know, because plots about body swapping are so serious in the first place. Than also imagine if you were to populate said film with as many notable A-list and character actors as possible and give none of them worthwhile material to work with. If you imagined all of those predicaments, you would find yourself with Criminal, one of the worst action films (?) of the year.

Besides the overly complicated plot and accidental comedy, the biggest issue with Criminal is its protagonist and his treatment of others. While Jericho may be an immensely flawed and disheartening character, I do admire the character arc that the screenwriters and director were shooting for. Costner plays Jericho, a cruel inmate with no regard for human life who only cares about himself. When he is injected with the memories of a good natured person like Pope, it clashes with his twisted side and forces him to acknowledge the existence between right and wrong. While I understand that the film was aiming for an arc in which Jericho learns to become more human, it doesn't work very well, especially in a film as convoluted and mean spirited as this.

What the viewer might want to do during the slow parts of the movie.

What makes Jericho such an unlikable protagonist is how he constantly murders innocent people and beats up cops who are just doing their jobs. When Jericho first escapes from the police at the film's beginning, he immediately throws a innocent young man's body into the car with the police officers and sets them on fire! Talk about a likable protagonist! Later on, he goes to a sandwich shop and brutally beats up a trio of soccer fans in order to steal their car. My goodness, why the need to be so violent towards those undeserved of said torture? Later on, Jericho meets up with Pope's wife for the first time, and proceeds to tie her up and attempt to rape her. Oh boy, I'm glad this is our protagonist. This aspect of Criminal prevents the viewer from ever connecting with the characters or plight at hand, as Jericho is completely undeserved of any admiration. Jericho Stewart might just be the worst and least likable character in all of Costner's filmography.

However, the damage doesn't stop there. Costner chooses to play Jericho as if he were a homeless caveman, consistently grunting underneath a pair of silly black sunglasses. This movie essentially consists of numerous scenes in which Costner goes around and acts like a jerk to food establishment employees and attendants, as he either threatens them or beats them up, a truly admirable character trait if there ever was one. I truly cannot remember the last time that I actively rooted against a protagonist as cruel and unusual as Jericho in this film.

Criminal could have also been alternately titled, "How to Waste a Great Cast," as the film assembles an incredible selection of notable actors who all deserve better. Besides Costner, the film features notable turns by Tommy Lee Jones (No Country For Old Men), Gary Oldman (The Dark Knight), Ryan Reynolds (Deadpool), and Gal Gadot (Batman v Superman). Loads of recognizable character actors pop up as well, including Antje Traue (Man of Steel), Alice Eve (Star Trek Into Darkness), Michael Pitt (Boardwalk Empire), Jordi Molla (Bad Boys II), Amaury Nolasco (Prison Break), and even martial arts extraordinaire Scott Adkins (Ninja, Expendables 2). It's an absolute crime that a studio film finds a supporting role for Adkins, who is an action star in his own right, and gives him absolutely nothing to do. Martial arts fans hoping to see Adkins throw down with Costner or engage in an action scene will walk away disappointed, as he doesn't even fire a weapon in the entire film. Although it's neat to see Adkins appear in every scene with Oldman, who fully commits to the ridiculous premise of the film, he deserves far better.

At least Tommy Lee Jones graces us with his presence.

Criminal also commits the crime of my biggest movie pet peeve: whenever a film lists a character's name and profession on the screen when they are first introduced. It proves that the screenwriters don't know how to naturally introduce a character, and feel the need to spell it out on the screen, as if any viewer is going to remember that character's name or profession five seconds later. A few examples include Steven Seagal's hilariously bad Out for a Kill, Isaac Florentine's mostly solid but occasionally defunct Close Range, Ridley Scott's 'somehow nominated for Best Picture' The Martian, and even this year's London Has Fallen. As soon as a character's name appeared onscreen within the first five minutes of the film, I knew that I was in for some pain, as Criminal fails to understand how to introduce its characters beyond onscreen text.

Besides its horrendous on screen text and inept plotting, Criminal is thankfully a stylistically impressive feature. Director Ariel Vromen crafts some fantastic action scenes with loads of brutal kills, ear shattering sound design, and surprisingly shocking gore. Unfortunately, every stellar action scene seems to end as soon as it begins. Although all of the action in the film is great, it's a shame that there is so little of it. Criminal is mostly a science fiction drama with occasional bursts of action and violence peppered throughout. Another shame about the action is that most of it plays into Jericho's flaws as a character, in that most of the brutal beat downs and fights feature innocent people and cops simply doing their jobs. When Jericho finally throws down with some of lead villain Xavier's henchmen, the action finally becomes satisfying, as the people dying finally deserve their fate. The final fight in which Costner saves Pope's family on an airplane runway is absolutely awesome and filled with memorable and brutal kills galore. It's a shame that this excellent action couldn't be transported to a much better film with a far more simplistic plot devoid of accidental comedy and a caveman performance by Costner.

This is about as exciting as the movie gets.

The word that I would use to describe Criminal is "disheartening." Not simply because it takes its plot too seriously, or features loads of accidental comedy in the form of Costner screaming at people he kills, or starts and ends on a false note, but because it makes one feel miserable whilst watching it. If action films in which a protagonist goes around murdering and beating up innocent people is your kind of thing, than Criminal is the film for you. However, if you are a human being, have a heart, and understand what makes a protagonist likable and relatable, than steer clear of Criminal. The thought, "end already," consistently popped up in my head while watching Criminal. That should describe the experience for you. However, if you are a glutton for punishment, like myself, there are some truly fantastic action scenes and some hilariously bad moments of accidental comedy worth checking out that make the viewing experience all the more tolerable.

Rating: 4/10 - Although the film deserves a far lower score, it's solid action and accidental comedic moments helped me make it through most of its nearly two hour run time.