Missing in Action Double Feature - Missing in Action (1984) + Missing in Action 2: The Beginning (1985)

Director: Joseph Zito

Cast: Chuck Norris, M. Emmet Walsh, James Hong, Lenore Kasdorf

Country: United States

Rating: R

Run Time: 100 min

Missing in Action is a fairly solid, albeit clunky and cheap, attempt by Cannon Pictures at a Rambo picture. Famed Cannon Pictures producers, Menaham Golan and Yoram Globus, had gotten a peak at James Cameron's script for the eventual Rambo: First Blood Part II while it was floating around studios. Therefore, the two decided to film not one, but two films inspired by the script, concurrently with one another. Although Missing in Action is a blatant Rambo rip-off, it technically came out before First Blood Part II, thereby making it legally not a rip-off. Regardless, Missing in Action is the B-grade rendition of George P. Cosmatos and Sylvester Stallone's Vietnam film, with B-grade replacements such as director Joseph Zito (Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter) and Chuck Norris (The Way of the Dragon). The two would eventually go on to collaborate with Invasion U.S.A., a ridiculously offensive (but awesome) film against the Russians. However, the two's xenophobic rampage against American's enemies started here with Missing in Action, a Cannon classic with a rather serious tone. While a definite far cry from First Blood Part II, Missing in Action offers up the kind of low grade action entertainment that B-movie hounds love, courtesy of Golan's low budget proceedings and Norris' grizzled beard.

The film opens with a dream sequence in which Colonel James Braddock (Chuck Norris) remembers the horrors of the Vietnam War. When he scores the opportunity to go with a team to Vietnam in order to investigate whether or not American M.I.A.'s are still being held there, Braddock takes matters into his own hands by searching the country on his own time. He eventually teams up with Tuck (M. Emmett Walsh), an old friend of his, and sets off into the jungle to wage a one man war against the Vietnamese and rescue any Americans who may still be out there.

The first chapter in the Missing in Action saga was originally envisioned as the second chapter. After shooting two films back to back, Golan and Globus decided that their second picture offered up the action packed excitement that would ensure them box office dollars. Therefore, they turned the originally envisioned second film into the first film, and the originally envisioned first film into the eventual prequel, Missing in Action 2: The Beginning. While that strategy sounds like suicidal storytelling, the plan paid off, as Missing in Action swept up the box office, scoring $22 million off of a $1.5 million budget. It still stands as Norris' highest earning vehicle to date, as well as one of Cannon Pictures' highest earners. Both Missing in Action and Rambo: First Blood Part II's box office receipts prove that Americans were eager to bask in the fantastical revenge that the films offered.

Don't mess with the Braddock.

Braddock is a pretty solid franchise character, especially for one played by Chuck Norris. He knows how to negotiate a deal with people, has an awesome beard, and puts everything on the line simply to save a few American soldiers. Most solo 'Men on a Mission/One Man Army' films, especially the ones set in Vietnam, typically don't resonate with me because they are fairly gross and redundant. Thankfully, Missing in Action shakes up the formula a bit by incorporating some variety, as Braddock investigates as to where the U.S. soldiers are being kept while fighting off assassins in urban locations. He doesn't gun down Vietnamese soldiers in the jungle until the very end, which is essentially all First Blood Part II was.

From an action stand point, Missing in Action is exactly what you would expect from a Cannon production. The fist fights and shootouts are always entertaining, but mostly clunky and cheap in the classic Cannon mold. Although I declared the film a weak action picture due to its poor direction, I wouldn't be surprised if Zito was given the bare minimum of a budget and time to prepare the film's plentiful action sequences. After all, he is the same director who blew my mind with 1989's Red Scorpion, a highly underrated Dolph Lundgren picture that makes his Cannon work look like child's play. 

Although Missing in Action is nothing but predictable, the film surprised me by building up to an extremely dramatic and satisfying finale that could have made up for the weaker elements of the film. Unfortunately, the film ends on a freeze frame and brings all dramatic momentum to a halt. If the ending had been allowed to play out in a satisfying and pleasing manner, than Missing in Action easily could have scored another point on its rating scale. However, Cannon does what Cannon wants, and Missing in Action is nothing more than an entertaining, but rushed, take on the Rambo formula.

Rating: 5/10 - Norris' fair acting abilities and Zito's weak direction hold Missing in Action back from being as good as Rambo: First Blood Part II, the creme de la creme of the Vietnam 'One Man Army' films.

Director: Lance Hool

Cast: Chuck Norris, Soon-Tek Oh, Steven Williams, Bennett Ohta

Country: United States

Rating: R

Run Time: 95 min

Believe it or not, Missing in Action 2: The Beginning, is a far superior action/thriller in every regard when stacked up against its predecessor. Although I understand why Cannon went with the first film, as it featured far more action and could guarantee box office dollars, the "prequel" is a vastly better film. Instead of being a solo "Man on a Mission/One Man Army" flick with nothing but routine action to offer, Missing in Action 2 is actually a decent prison film with memorable characters, solid action, and genuine tension. It's still as clunky as most of Cannon's efforts, but it might just be the very best B-Vietnam picture ever made, as well as one of the best examples of Norris' abilities as an actor.

It's prequel time, as Missing in Action 2 takes place in 1972 in North Vietnam. After Colonel Braddock (Chuck Norris) and several of his men attempt to rescue some American soldiers during a battle, their helicopter is shot down and the men taken prisoner. However, the men are not released after the war is declared over, as the cruel Colonel Yin (Soon-Tek Oh) decides to use them for manual labor. He also psychologically tortures them in an attempt to make Braddock himself confess to his war crimes against the Vietnamese. As with most prisoner of war stories, the Americans eventually escape and wage a war of vengeance against their captors in what makes for one of Cannon Group's most dramatically compelling films.

The Beginning is immediately better than the first film because it is a character driven prison film, and not just a senseless action picture with little attention to character or story. The prequel conjures up an immense amount of tension and suspense throughout, thereby making the eventual action all of the more satisfying and worthwhile once arrived upon. Viewers will find themselves immensely engrossed in the various prisoner characters because they will feel for their plights and hope for their escape. Confining the events of the entire film to once location was clearly a budgetary strategy, but it also makes the film far better, as it crafts a claustrophobic and tense atmosphere that makes the prequel an entirely different film altogether from its predecessor. You still get your xenophobic/jingoistic action and revenge, but it's far more satisfying and less ridiculous because of the drawn out build up to it all.

Cool Guys Don't Look at Explosions: The Beginning

The bulk of the tension in the prequel is based around Colonel Yin's pursuit to get Braddock to confess to his war crimes, which were referenced in the first film. As the film progresses, Yin religiously tortures and teases Braddock with various temptations and physical wounds. This psychological warfare between the two extends beyond politics and becomes down right personal at a point. Yin is truly a villain that you love to hate because he dominates nearly every scene of the film and stands as the ultimate tormentor to end all tormentors. However, Yin ultimately meets his match by dueling with Colonel Braddock, the most intensely American patriot you could find. If one can separate the politics from the matter, the crux of Missing in Action 2's tension makes for some great thematic conflict.

Norris is far better here in the sequel, as he shows a more vulnerable side to Braddock. He has to keep his mouth shut at times and swallow his pride. He even physically suffers, such as when he is hung upside down with a rat filled bag tied upon his head, in order to protect others. While Braddock may be far from deep, his immense loyalty to his fellow men and soldiers makes him an admirable franchise character, and one made all the manlier and more badass thanks to Norris' portrayal of the guy. The prequel also has a solid supporting cast of players who are well used throughout, a key element missing in the first film.

The action is far better this go around mainly due to the build up and tension that precedes it all. Still, that clunky Cannon execution prevents it from being nearly as affective as it could have been, such as when a British spy is executed in a close up that quickly fades to black. Missing in Action 2 also finds a way to incorporate Norris' trademark martial arts abilities into a grounded and personal final fight that ultimately makes the film far more watchable and satisfying than the first. Thanks to the film's human touch and slow build up, I would compare the prequel to Cannon's own Death Wish 2, as both films take their time in building up to the action but also have the clunky silliness of a low budget B-picture. All in all, Missing in Action 2: The Beginning is a solid action thriller that stands as one of Cannon Group's very best productions, as well as one of Norris' most enjoyable action films.

Rating: 7/10 - Due to a surprising amount of tension and suspense, Missing in Action 2 stands tall as a recommendable B-Vietnam picture.

Versus Cinema - Black Eagle (1988)

Director: Eric Karson

Cast: Sho Kosugi, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Doran Clark, Bruce French, Kane Kosugi

Country: United States

Rating: R

Run Time: 90 min

Versus Cinema is a series dedicated to analyzing films that pit separate actors, icons, and/or franchise properties against one another. Whether they directly sell themselves as versus films within their titles, prominently feature two opposing actors in a versus plot, or are somehow secretively a versus feature, this series will cover them all.

I absolutely love "versus" films. I'm not talking about franchise versus films like Alien vs. Predator or Freddy vs. Jason, although those can be fun every now and than. No, I'm talking about versus films that pit two separate action stars against one another. Examples of this sub-genre include 1992's Universal Soldier, which pit Jean-Claude Van Damme against Dolph Lundgren, 1995's Assassins, which pit Sylvester Stallone against Antonio Banderas, and 2007's War, which pit Jason Statham against Jet Li. These films are typically made in order to capitalize on the success or marquee name of the dual stars within the film. Producers were smart to realize that audiences would shell out more dough if they were guaranteed not only one, but two action stars for the price of one. Stallone eventually took this ideal to the extreme with his Expendables series when he realized that he could capitalize on the names of ten or more action stars, but that's getting off topic.

Anyways, I wanted to highlight a very unique versus film, one that is most likely forgotten amongst the halls of action cinema. Black Eagle, released in 1988, is quite possibly the only accidental versus film in cinematic history, a fascinating anomaly if there ever was one. Produced by Rotecon B.V. and Magnus Productions, the film starred Japanese martial artist Sho Kosugi (Pray for Death, Rage of Honor) and Belgian actor Jean-Claude Van Damme (Hard Target, The Expendables 2). At the time of the film's release, Kosugi had experienced mild success with Cannon's Ninja Trilogy while Van Damme had yet to taste success with the release of Cannon's Bloodsport around the corner. When Black Eagle was produced, there was no way that the producers could have predicted that Van Damme was going to blow up within the next couple of years. By pitting Kosugi, a fairly well established action star at the time, against Van Damme, a no-name actor at the time who eventually went on to A-list success, the film's producers created the world's first accidental versus movie. 

The "Muscles From Brussels" shines in one of his earliest roles.

After a United States (U.S.) airplane is shot down over the Mediterranean Sea by the island of Malta, the CIA and the KGB send their best operatives to the island in order to retrieve the valued cargo upon the plane, a laser guidance system. The CIA calls in Ken Tani (Sho Kosugi), also known as the titular Black Eagle, their greatest operative who had originally planned to go on a two week vacation with his kids. Therefore, the CIA goads him into going on the mission by sending his kids to Malta as well. As Tani makes his best effort to retrieve the downed laser guidance system for the U.S. government, he repeatedly clashes with the CIA's greatest agent, Andrei (Jean-Claude Van Damme), an equally skilled martial artist who makes things personal when he kidnaps Tani's kids. It's the "Muscles from Brussels" against the "Black Eagle" in an all out brawl for dominance in one of the best low budget action films not produced by Roger Corman.

Black Eagle is ostensibly a spy thriller, as well as a wannabe James Bond film, as are many of Kosugi's other films. If the film's plot sounds somewhat familiar, that is because it is a blatant rip-off of the plot for the 1965 Bond film, Thunderball. The film even operates like a Bond picture in that the characters on both sides of the film play mind games with one another even though each knows what the other wants. Take the scene at a poker table for instance. The scene, which looks directly lifted from a Bond picture, features Kosugi and the CIA on one side of the table and Van Damme and the KGB on the other, both playing poker against one another, thereby symbolizing their political indifference and struggle with each other. Also, both Kosugi and Van Damme wear tuxedos in this scene. Bond much? There's no denying that Black Eagle is a Bond rip-off, but at least the film features enough distinct elements to make it more than simply a Bond rip-off.

While viewers expecting an action fest will find Black Eagle dull and slow, those with mild expectations may find it to be surprisingly engaging and fun to watch, especially for action fans with an appreciation for Kosugi and Van Damme. Even though the film lifts its plot from a superior spy thriller, Black Eagle shakes the formula up with its unique family dynamic and martial arts centric action. Although Tani must go on a dangerous mission, he is forced to bring his children along as well, thereby placing them into harm's way. The addition of Kosugi's family, who are played by his real life children Shane and Kane, is a distinct theme of Kosugi's filmography. Tani, as well as Kosugi himself, is a proud family man who will do anything for his children, as seen through his actions in the film and Kosugi's repeated usage of his sons in his films. The film's stakes are especially raised when Tani's children are taken from him, thereby shaking up the predictable spy plot a tad bit. Throw in the fact that the entire picture is also designed around pitting two separate martial arts stars against one another, and you have a film that is more than just a shameless Bond rip-off.

The name's, Kosugi, Sho Kosugi.

Produced on a mere $3 million, Black Eagle is far from lavish or action packed. One could easily compare the film to the types of low budget productions that famed producer Roger Corman is so well known for, as it features many of the staples of Corman's cinema: low budget, lots of dialog, minimal action, and heavy usage of the same locations. Shot on the island of Malta, Black Eagle is at least bright and aquatic, although visually dull at the same time. As with most low budget productions, several scenes or instances within the film are either heard or not seen.

For example, the inciting incident of a downed U.S. plane is heard over a radio. If Black Eagle were a big budget production, especially one made today, the entire incident would probably be depicted with computer generated graphics and kick off the film. Another example of the low budget can be seen within the film's action, especially during scenes of violence. Although some characters are shot or stabbed, there is nary a squib or blood pack in sight. All things bloody occur slightly off screen, or at least tamed down to a manageable point for a $3 million budget. There is also barely any gunfire in the entire film, despite the heavy presence of guns and rifles. Therefore, set your action sights low before going into Black Eagle. 

However, I would argue that Black Eagle uses its low budget to its advantage, or at least the proper way that a low budget action film should. The film takes its time to establish both of its lead characters on both sides. Tani is shown to be a family man while Van Damme is even given a love interest, which thereby humanizes both of them. After all, that is more than you can say about some characters in low budget action cinema, so give Black Eagle credit where credit is due. The film also shows a surprising level of maturity concerning Cold War ethics, especially in a scene where Tani's son asks him, "Are they bad guys?" to which Tani replies, "They probably think that we are bad guys too." This dialog exchange implies the honest truth about war and that neither side is villainous, and only acting in the best interests of their own country. Maybe I'm giving Black Eagle more credit than it deserves, as it more or less craps on this statement by ultimately demonizing the Russians at the end in a finale where, you guessed it, the U.S. wins. Either way, Black Eagle shows a notable attention to character and the plight at hand for a low budget action film that easily could have been all plot from beginning to end with no character to boot (i.e. Steven Seagal's entire DTV library).

The fight of the century! Kosugi vs Van Damme!

The true meat and potatoes of Black Eagle is its accidental versus pairing of Kosugi and Van Damme. Although most DVD's (such as the one I have) for the film advertise Van Damme as the lead, Kosugi is the true protagonist, with Van Damme playing the supporting villain of the picture. Let's be honest, Kosugi is not particularly charismatic or an ideal lead for a spy film of any kind. He's never been a great actor, and you can definitely tell this whenever he attempts to be witty a-la James Bond's witticisms. Still, Kosugi's cheese factor and occasional intensity is what makes him so entertaining and watchable, sort of like similar C-grade martial arts performers Gary Daniels (Riot) and Michael Dudikoff (American Ninja). 

Van Damme on the other hand is extremely charismatic, bad ass, and handsome. He completely steals the show here, and rightfully so. Although it is a shame that he disappears for long stretches of the film, and has minimal dialog, he still poses a formidable threat to Kosugi's protagonist. It's worth mentioning that my DVD of the film from EVE Digital Entertainment not only advertises Van Damme as the lead, but uses a picture of him from Lionheart for the cover and photoshops a literal black eagle tattoo onto his chest! Kosugi is the titular Black Eagle, not Van Damme! 

As I stated before, the aspect of the film that takes the biggest hit due to the low budget is unfortunately the action. Thankfully, you don't need a sizable budget to perform martial arts, just great martial arts performers, and Black Eagle has two of the best. For an accidental versus film, Black Eagle features not one, not two, but three fights between its action stars! Talk about accidental bang for your buck. Any of Black Eagle's flaws are more than made up for by the fact that it features a whopping three fights between Kosugi and Van Damme. 

Their first fight is fairly underwhelming, as it comes out nowhere in the middle of a chase scene. Their second fight on the other hand is fantastic and well built up too. The two's day time struggle atop a fort on the island of Malta is the stuff of accidental legend. Both Van Damme and Kosugi show incredible skill here and equally match one another in a very well choreographed and photographed fight. Their third fight, while decent, is ruined by a lousy ending in which the loser, who shall remain nameless, is killed off in an unfair manner unrelated to the fight itself. Regardless, Black Eagle delivers the versus goods, and in the perfect kind of plot designed around pitting two separate characters against one another for said reasons.

Round Three: Van Damme's jazz hands against Kosugi's black tarred body.

While a majority of action fans will probably decry Black Eagle as a dull spy thriller, I personally believe that it is an undiscovered and underrated gem in which two action stars were paired up against one another. The plot is fairly slow, and the locations redundant, but the accidental versus casting more than makes up for any of the film's low budget flaws. In all honesty, I prefer Black Eagle to a few of Kosugi's films, and, get ready for this, almost every single one of Van Damme's mainstream blockbusters, including Nowhere to Run, Timecop, and Sudden Death. I'm most likely an audience of one on this picture, but I enjoy it greatly and recommend the film to all action fans with an appreciation for its stars and a patience for low budget action cinema. If you have worked your way through most of Van Damme's films and Kosugi's very few ninja features, give it a watch. You may find yourself surprised at how well it holds up, at least in retrospect and when stacked up against other purposeful versus features.

Rating: 6.5/10 - Black Eagle may be a cheap Bond rip-off, but it is also a fascinating accidental versus movie with some solid fights, a fairly engaging plot, and a show stealing performance by a young Jean-Claude Van Damme. 

Red Heat (1988) - Retrospective Review

Director: Walter Hill

Cast: Arnold Schwarzenegger, James Belushi, Gina Gershon, Ed O'Ross, Peter Boyle

Country: United States / Russia

Rating: R

Run Time: 104 min

Red Heat is a buddy cop film from writer/director Walter Hill (The Warriors) that came out during the buddy cop craze. Hill's 1982 smash hit, 48 Hrs, helped popularize and establish the buddy cop sub-genre and formula in the first place. Six years later, Hill found himself returning to the genre that he helped establish with Red Heat, a buddy cop actioner that sought to portray Russians in a positive manner unlike another 1988 actioner, Rambo III. 

The film is both light Arnold Schwarzenegger and light Walter Hill, neither an exemplary piece of filmmaking in either bad ass icon's filmography nor a blemish either. The story may contain solid substance in the form of a Russian and an American trying to learn how to work together in a post-Cold War world, but it otherwise goes with the motions and engages the viewer in no way beyond a hilarious one-liner here and a bad ass shootout there. Still, action fans would be kidding themselves to miss out on a lesser 80s buddy cop film, especially one starring the biggest action star of the 80s, Schwarzenegger. 

"Cocanum!"

Captain Ivan Danko (Arnold Schwarzenegger), a Russian police officer, is in search of Viktor Rosta (Ed O Ross), a Russian drug dealer. When Danko and his partner engage Rosta, Danko loses both his partner and several of his officers in the ensuing shootout. As Rosta flees to Chicago, Danko pursues after him and eventually teams up with Chicago police officer Art Ridzik (James Belushi) in order to obtain jurisdiction in America. The two must learn to work with one another and take down Rosta after becoming personally engaged in the case. 

While other action films of the 80s depicted Russians as villains and Americans as heroes, Red Heat was one of the first to present a solution to the two's indifferences. The crux of the film is its buddy pairing between Danko, a strict and stoic Russian cop, and Ridzik, a foulmouthed but lighthearted American officer. Red Heat straight up addresses the vast differences between the two countries' peoples, but opts for a positive message about team work and setting aside said differences. 

The script finds common ground for its two characters in the form of their profession and quest to combat crime and the cocaine drug craze of the 80s. Danko sends off the film with an excellent line that sums up the entire film's message about the tension between the Russians and the Americans, "We are both cops, not politicians." I don't know about you, but I think that is a rather profound and strong message to end a buddy cop film on. To be honest, it's the only profound or noble message in the entire film, as everything else is pretty much 80s excess. Still, Red Heat shows notable progression in its depiction of Russians in American cinema as opposed to Rambo III's message to the Russians, "F*** em!"

"Freeze motherf*****!"

I know that people love to crap on Arnold Schwarzenegger as an actor, but I think that he gives a very good performance in this film as a Russian officer. Even though he is the furthest thing from Russian, his height, hair cut, and muscles sell the role. Danko learns over the course of the film that his Russian superiors are a tad too intense and that enforcing the law is more important that saving face for his country. 

While it is clear that Danko is the action guy of the buddy pairing, Red Heat is a rare example of buddy cop cinema in which the action guy completely overshadows the more comical guy, that being Belushi's Ridzik. After all, Arnold was a movie star at the time, and it's hard to think of Arnold sharing top billing with any other actor. Therefore, he makes for an interesting choice for a buddy cop film, a sub-genre of action cinema all about sharing screen time and themes of friendship. In retrospect, I am happy to see that Arnold tackled the buddy cop sub-genre at least once in his filmography. I also realized that Ivan Danko's name sounds an awful lot like Ivan Drago, Dolph Lundgren's character from Stallone's Rocky IV. It's an odd coincidence, but both Ivans are Russian, tall, muscular, and have the same haircut. Once again, leave it to Stallone to taint the image of Russians.

Even though Red Heat is as entertaining as most of the action films of its respective decade, the film rarely engages or pulls in the viewer as much as it should. One of the film's weaknesses is in fact its buddy pairing. Although unique, Arnold Schwarzenegger and James Belushi don't exactly make for a lovable duo of characters unlike the unforgettable pairings found in the Lethal Weapon and Rush Hour franchises. One could make the argument that a Russian and an American duo aren't supposed to work together exactly, and that could be the reason for the strangeness of the duo. However, Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan, an African American and an Asian, played completely different characters in Rush Hour and found a way to become one of action cinema's most memorable duos. Red Heat's buddy pair lacks the chemistry and sense of team work that makes other buddy pairs fun to watch. With everything being particularly dire, and Belushi honestly playing back up to Arnold, Red Heat is a rather humorless affair.

The characters themselves aren't exactly memorable or likable beyond the actors who play them too. The film adds insult to injury with a plot that heavily drags in its action-less second act, relying mainly upon formula and expected story beats. Most flawed films suffer from weak second acts, and Red Heat is one of them. If the film didn't feature the Russian angle, than it would be like any other bland buddy cop actioner out there with only style to boot, and style can only go so far when you've seen the umpteenth amount of action films that I have.

"You are a stupid!"

All insults aside, Red Heat is still a blast to watch. The film is pure Andrew Vajna and Mario Kassar produced 80s action, backed up by director Walter Hill and composer James Horner. The film is packed with everything that one adores about 80s action cinema: excessive violence, memorable one-liners, larger than life characters, scummy villains, unnecessary nudity, recognizable character actors, foul language, and vehicular mayhem. Hill's buddy flick also features some of Arnold's most hilarious one-liners, especially the unforgettable, "Cocanum!" Other hits include, "Who is Dirty Harry," "You are a stupid," "I am not sh*tting on you," and "Holy carne." 

Hill is one of the great filmmakers of bad ass cinema, haven directed several classics (The Warriors, The Long Riders, Southern Comfort) as well as a few lesser films (Extreme Prejudice, Last Man Standing, Bullet to the Head) that entertain no matter how good or bad they are. His eye for action is as great as ever here, directing a minimal but memorable selection of action sequences. As with most buddy films, the body count is especially light, although the sequences are quite good. Highlights include a bevy of solid shootouts, as well as a fantastic final car chase in which Arnold and Ed O Ross' characters plow buses through Chicago's city streets and landmarks. Despite a rather cheap and lousy final face off between Danko and main villain Rosta, Red Heat is filled with satisfactory action from start to finish.

Surprisingly enough, the most annoying element of the entire film is Horner's score. While typically an amazing artist, the late composer delivers a sub-standard and highly repetitive score that will grate your ears thirty minutes into the film. I honestly wondered to myself if Horner wasn't just re-composing tunes from Commando several scenes into the film. However, Horner is notorious for his similar sounding scores. Therefore, I should have known what I was getting in too. 

Nothing like a good ol' bus chase.

Red Heat is a perfect example of style over substance for 80s action cinema. The film's action is directed and photographed well, but the story that surrounds said antics is fairly bland and predictable for those who have been around the action block before. That being said, Red Heat is commendable for its positive message about team work amongst varying nations and for Arnold's great performance as a Russian officer. Besides, 80s action cinema is so popular and beloved amongst action fans that they honestly don't need me to tell them whether or not to check this one out. If Arnold and Hill are your guys, than put Red Heat on your to watch list. Otherwise, steer clear if mediocre buddy cop actioners aren't your thing. 

Rating: 6.5/10 - I typically don't give scores with a .5 rating, but I am going to give it to Red Heat. Action fans will definitely want to check this out, but its predictability and non-engaging plot pulls it down to the lower ends of action cinema. Than again, a lower level 80s action film is ten times more entertaining than half of today's contemporary action films.

Brothers, Guns, & Doves - Prison on Fire (1987)

Director: Ringo Lam

Cast: Tony Leung Ka-Fai, Chow Yun Fat, Roy Cheung, Ka-Kui Ho, Shing Fui-on

Country: Hong Kong

Rating: R

Run Time: 101 min

Brothers, Guns, & Doves is a series dedicated to discussing Heroic Bloodshed films produced inside or outside of Hong Kong. Films of this nature typically feature highly stylized gun play, emotional stories about honor and brotherhood, and, if directed by John Woo, lots of slow motion doves.

Prison on Fire is one of two films with the word "fire" in the title directed by Ringo Lam and released in 1987 (the other being City on Fire, which also stars Chow Yun Fat). The film was followed up by another Lam directed "fire" film, School on Fire, in 1988, as well as a direct sequel, Prison on Fire II, in 1991. Therefore, Prison on Fire is apart of both a loose stylistic trilogy of films as well as its own series of films. Man, it's tough keeping track of Hong Kong films sometimes.

Lam's loose "Fire" trilogy consists of three action dramas that are connected by their emotional drama, gritty action, and inclusion of actor Roy Cheung. All three films portray life in Hong Kong, as seen through the eyes of Lam. City on Fire focuses on the lives of cops and criminals, Prison on Fire focuses on the lives of prisoners and guards, and School on Fire focuses on the lives of students and triads. Many action fans will most likely never discover Prison or School simply because City on Fire is the most well known of the trilogy because of its connection to Tarantino's Reservoir Dogs. Therefore, I implore all action fans to seek out the entire trilogy in order to fully appreciate Lam's artistic vision and cinematic goal.

Prison on Fire, the second in the "Fire" trilogy and the first of the Prison on Fire films, is a solid prison drama. In retrospect, the film shares many similarities with The Shawshank Redemption from 1994. Both films feature a good natured protagonist who is imprisoned for the wrong reasons, a veteran prisoner who befriends said protagonist, and corrupt guards who take advantage of the prisoners' situation. There are also scenes of joy and humanity amidst prison life as well as despair and conflict. Stephen King's Rita Hayworth and The Shawshank Redemption does pre-date Prison on Fire, 1982 to be exact. Regardless, this filmic depiction of life in the big house is awfully similar to Frank Darabont's master class film, coincident or not.

Tony Leung learns real quick how hard prison life is.

Lo Ka Yiu (Tony Leung Ka-Fai) is a beloved son, boyfriend, and grocery store clerk in resident Hong Kong. When several hooligans steal from his father's store, Yiu fights back and accidentally knocks one of the thieves into traffic and to his death. Yiu is sentenced to three years for manslaughter and finds his life turned inside out as various prisoners attack him and his girlfriend threatens to move away for school reasons. In steps 41671 (Chow Yun Fat), a veteran prisoner and surrogate Morgan Freeman for the film. 41671 doesn't narrate the film, but he does provide Yiu with friendship and knowledge amidst prison life. The two quickly bond and fight back against corrupt guards and cruel prisoners together. Yiu reaches his limits when the prisoners embark on a hunger strike that places all of their lives in danger.

Prison on Fire is a very basic film that portrays simple themes of friendship and self sacrifice amidst prison life. The film has no political agenda and takes no shots at the prisoners or the corrupt guards. It's simply a story of prison life in an extremely rough prison, made all the rougher due to the vile guards and despicable inmates. Not every film has to be particularly deep and meaningful, and Prison on Fire isn't. It's simplistic, gritty drama, ripped from reality and strewn across the screen.

The first two acts of the film make for an average and bleak prison affair. The film moves through the motions of a prison film, all while injecting copious amounts of humor courtesy of Chow Yun Fat (more on him later). However, Prison on Fire turns into a stellar prison film when it enters its final act. While the first two acts of the film focus on Yiu's struggle with villainous inmates, the third act hones all of its tension on an extremely intense hunger strike that the prisoners embark on in order to lower the prices on cigarettes and food. This final act of the film is incredibly unpredictable and particularly disturbing as well. Yiu and 41671 partake in an extremely brutal and painful prison brawl to the death that showcases Chow at his most insane. Therefore, even though the first two acts are your by the numbers prison film, Prison on Fire makes up for it with an unforgettable final act.

Chow and Leung leap to safety in one of the film's hardest hitting moments.

Tony Leung (A Better Tomorrow III, Election), well known as 'Big Tony' in Hong Kong, gives a solid performance as the film's protagonist. Yiu is a relatable character because he's a hard working every man who simply wants to love his girlfriend and do the right thing. Unfortunately, doing the right thing gets him in trouble and plunges him into the hell hole that is prison. Yiu's limits and wits are tested as various prisoners accuse him for crimes he didn't commit and attempt to murder him as well. If you want to see some intense acting, than check out the scene where Yiu defends himself against a group of prisoners with a broken shard of glass. Leung exudes sheer insanity and terror with a chunk of glass in his hand and blood all over his body. All in all, Leung does fine work and earns his freedom by the film's end.

As with most films featuring Chow Yun Fat (Hard Boiled, The Killer), he practically steals the show even though he's not the lead character here. Chow plays the same kind of character he plays in most of his films: a happy go-lucky guy who jokes around most of the time but turns intense when serious situations arise. There's a ridiculous scene where Chow takes a dump in a bathroom accompanied by fart noises. When Yiu leaves the room, Chow declares, "Remember, there's always...a better tomorrow! *fart noise*" For those who don't know, A Better Tomorrow was Chow's breakout film the year before Prison on Fire. Talk about a ridiculous reference, and all while on the toilet too. Prison on Fire also features two solid villains, Ka-Kui Ho as the cruel inmate Micky and Roy Cheung as the corrupt Officer Scarface Hung. Both repeatedly pester our two lead prisoners throughout the film and eventually get their comeuppance at the hands of an insane Chow Yun Fat. Seriously, you don't know how intense and crazy Chow can get until you see him in the film's final prison brawl. 

Officer "Scarface" Hung is the Clancy Brown of the picture.

Even though Prison on Fire is mainly a drama, the film features enough prison brawls to classify it as an action film. There are two short but sweet brawls that take place within the first two acts of the film: one in the prison yard and the other inside of a wash room. The physical bout in the wash room is especially intense because it drives Yiu over the edge and towards insanity. The fight scene also features an insane stunt where Chow and Leung leap off of a ledge and slam onto the top of a glass table, only for it to shatter and break underneath them. However, the film's final bout inside of the main hall of bunk beds is the highlight of the film. Chow dishes out revenge on Micky and Scarface after taking their crap for an entire movie. This brutal fight also features an amazing stunt where Chow runs on top of a series of bunk beds and jump kicks Officer Scarface into a wall. It's immensely satisfying and worth the price of admission alone. Action fans will also want to check out the film because of how tightly connected it is to the heroic bloodshed genre, especially because of its lead actors and director Ringo Lam. 

The heroic bloodshed genre is a stylistic sub-genre of Hong Kong action films that feature themes of brotherhood, loyalty, and self sacrifice. These type of films also feature lots of stylized violence and double fisted gun play. Heroic Bloodshed 101 can be found below...

Major films in genre: the A Better Tomorrow trilogy, The Killer, Once a Thief, Bullet in the Head, Hard Boiled, Full Contact, City on Fire, the Rich and Famous saga, the Long Arm of the Law films, and the God of Gamblers films (contemporary examples include American films The Corruptor and The Replacement Killers, as well as Hong Kong films Exiled and Vengeance)

Major filmmakers: John Woo, Ringo Lam, Tsui Hark, and Johnnie To

Major stars: Chow Yun Fat, both Tony Leungs, Anthony Wong, Simon Yam, and Andy Lau

Unfortunately, Prison on Fire takes place within a prison. Therefore, the film is stripped of the gun play and settings that make up most heroic bloodshed films. However, the film still features all of the signature themes of said genre in order to classify it as one. The film also features three major players of the heroic bloodshed genre: director Ringo Lam, star Chow Yun Fat, and star Tony Leung. The film is also extremely bloody and emotionally over the top, especially during its unforgettable finale. Therefore, heroic bloodshed fans will find themselves right at home with Lam's tale of life in the big house, especially whenever Chow and Leung bond or a prison fight breaks out.

This is what prison does to you.

Ringo Lam is a simple filmmaker who makes straight forward films with both satisfying action and engaging drama. His films are never dull and typically over just when they start to run their course. Prison on Fire is exactly that: a rarely dull and simplistic action/drama that ends just when it starts to loose steam. The direction is on point and every performer shines through in an engaging genre film that is about as effective as the umpteenth prison film can be. The film is nowhere near as memorable as Lam's superior efforts (City on Fire, Full Contact) but infinitely more satisfying than his horrendous collaborations with Jean Claude Van Damme (Maximum Risk, Replicant, In Hell). All in all, Prison on Fire is recommended viewing for Hong Kong action fans like myself who have already made their way through all of the classics and are desperately in need of something good from the late 80s/early 90s that they may have missed.

Rating: 7/10 - A simplistic and brutal prison film that makes you thankful for your own living situation.

The Expendables (2010) - Review

Director: Sylvester Stallone

Cast: Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Randy Couture, etc.

Country: United States

Rating: R

Run Time: 103 min

Stallone's baby, The Expendables, is the ultimate love letter to all things action. After showcasing a surprising level of maturity in his two comeback films, Rocky Balboa and Rambo, Stallone delivered The Expendables, a film that pays tribute to the by gone days of the 80s action film and the men who starred in those films. The Expendables is one of, if not the most notable film in the 'old guys kick ass' movement. It all started with Stallone's own comeback films, followed by Clint Eastwood's Gran Torino, and eventually the return of John McClane in Live Free or Die Hard and Indiana Jones in Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

A plethora of aged action stars and memorable characters returned to the big screen in the late 2000s in order to prove that old guys could still kick ass. However, it was Stallone's The Expendables that cemented said movement and certified the aged action stars' return to the big screen for at least the next couple of years. In fact, several of the actors who appear through The Expendables had not appeared on the big screen for either many years or had never appeared in quite a film as high profile as Stallone's latest. The Expendables, flaws and all, stands as the shining idol for the action genre in all of its aged and bombastic glory. 

Barney, you have to get over the whole Expendables thing. You're just a mercenary.

The Expendables tells the story of a group of mercenaries who go on missions too dangerous for other experienced killers and army men. The leader of the team, Barney Ross (Sylvester Stallone), is a rugged killer who has seen better days. When he and his team get the invite to take out a general controlling a small island, Ross scopes out the island with fellow Expendable, Lee Christmas (Jason Statham). Ross soon finds himself in over his head when he connects with one of the citizens on the island and realizes that the general controls an army backed by a former CIA operative. Even though Ross initially backs off from the mission, he and the rest of the Expendables agree to free the island from the grips of the general when the mission becomes personal.

It's no secret that The Expendables is made for fans of the action genre, plain and simple. Stallone crafts a basic narrative that serves as an excuse to intertwine the lives of various characters played by action stars. Therefore, one should not expect anything meaty or intriguing to Stallone and friends' mercenary proceedings. This is a fan service film filled with cameos, one-liners, and excessive action sequences aimed at the action crowd. Stallone still deserves a slap on the hand though for only being able to craft a narrative this basic and razor thin. The Expendables' mercenary proceedings could have easily been duplicated within some throwaway direct to video film written by some lazy screenwriter. However, the biggest draw of The Expendables is its ensemble cast of A-list actors and has beens who tear up the screen with the kind of old fashioned mayhem that defines the American action genre.

Stallone leads a mighty impressive ensemble of action stars and professional fighters who more or less represent the best of what action cinema has to offer. Stallone himself is one of the founders of the action genre. Therefore, it makes sense for the guy to lead, write, and direct the film himself even if his ego and elder age get in the way of what could have been a better film in the hands of a more competent director. If anyone other than Stallone had made the film though, than guys like Dolph Lundgren (Universal Soldier) and Gary Daniels (Riot) would have most likely been absent from the picture altogether. The Expendables truly is a double edged sword: a film filled with fan pleasing cameos and satisfying action but grating humor and ego centric moments.

The worst comedy duo around and yet I own more than ten of their films each.

Next up on the roster is Jason Statham (The Transporter) as Lee Christmas. Statham, as well as Jet Li (Once Upon a Time in China) and Gary Daniels, are arguably the most physically able bodied and bad ass of the cast. Therefore, their action sequences tend to come off the best due to their physical abilities and youthfulness. It's interesting to note that Statham garners the second largest amount of screen time behind Stallone's Ross to the point where Statham feels like a co-lead, especially during the first hour of the film when he and Ross scout out the general's island.

The other supporting members of the core Expendables team include Yin Yang (Jet Li), Hale Caesar (Terry Crews), Tool (Mickey Rourke), Gunner Hansen (Dolph Lundgren), and Toll Road (Randy Couture). They all garner a smaller amount of screen time than either Stallone or Statham. Unfortunately, Stallone's amateurish screenwriting abilities results in several underrepresented characters. Toll Road and Hale Caesar get little to no screen time or any backstory whatsoever. Yin Yang is not only underdeveloped, but also reduced entirely to stereotypes with a name that reflects his culture and jokes centering around his height. Stallone makes up for this childish sense of humor though by giving Tool a dooming monologue that represents the film's over all message of saving one's soul. "Humorous" moments, like Stallone and friends making fun of Li's height, and Tool's dooming monologue, demonstrate how frustrating a filmmaker Stallone is. Even though the man understands how to make a great film, he can't help but lighten the mood with some silly humor aimed straight at the 'dads' in the crowd.

The Expendables also features cameos by Stallone's biggest competition from the 80s and 90s, Arnold Schwarzenegger (The Terminator) and Bruce Willis (Die Hard). While it is currently no surprise to see aged stars like these appear on screen with one another, it was a big deal at the time to see Bruce, Arnold, and Sly side by side after more than two decades of cinematic competition. The Planet Hollywood trio mostly waste their big scene on awful dialog that a child could have written. The only line that gets an honest chuckle is when Willis remarks to Stallone and Arnold, "You two aren't gonna start sucking each other's dicks now, are you?" Despite the lousy dialog and surprisingly poor framing of the scene (would it kill you for a wide shot of the three of you, Stallone?), the big three make film history and give thousands of action fans exactly what they want by appearing next to one another.

Love the real explosions, hate the digital blood.

With so many great icons of action represented amongst the heroes' side of the film, the villains' side leaves much to be desired. The lead villain of the film is more or less James Munroe (Eric Roberts), a former CIA operative who feels similar to Henry Silva's character in Seagal's Above the Law. While hardly a stranger to bad ass cinema, Roberts feels hammy and forgetful in a film already filled with iconic actors and memorable performers. Roberts simply isn't connected with the action genre well enough to earn the spot as the film's lead baddie.

In fact, his supporting right hand men, played by Steve Austin and Gary Daniels, are far more qualified to be villains given their sports background and action pedigree. Daniels' supporting role alone earns the film a point or two on the rating scale. He may have the least amount of screen time of any other actor in the film, but damn is he great. If it weren't for Daniels' inclusion, than The Expendables' villain roster would be down right embarrassing. These plentiful action and sports stars are complimented by a rather bleak tone that conveys a sense of danger and realism amidst its action fest proceedings.

The Expendables is tonally the most bleak and brooding of the franchise. Stallone's devoted performance as Ross and Rourke's monologue about saving one's soul demonstrate a maturity that is sorely lacking in the sequels. It's clear that Stallone set out to make the best film possible with The Expendables, not the biggest and busiest action film around. The Expendables 3 is made all the more depressing because one can see Stallone sell out everything that he believes in with that film. Even though the series is only three films deep, The Expendables is the only entry within the franchise to properly balance its serious tone and action scenes amongst a legitimate plot.

Stallone's ode to action cinema excels best when composer Brian Tyler's score roars onto the screen. Tyler composes some of his very best work here with a score that conveys the Expendables team's triumphant nature and melancholy sadness. One watch of Rourke's monologue or Stallone's plead to a dying Dolph Lundgren demonstrates how important and integral Tyler's score is to the success of Stallone's film. Tyler composes a beautiful and heavy hitting score that is honestly more than what Stallone's flawed love letter to action deserves.

Dolph vs. Li, a fight that nobody asked for.

The first hour of The Expendables is a particularly average affair. Stallone spends most of the film's first half either developing Ross and Christmas' characters or building up to the eventual climax on the island of Vilena. Stallone treats the audience to two action scenes during the film's initial hour in order to get them through the film's necessary set up. The film doesn't go full action until the final 40 minutes when Stallone unleashes an assortment of martial arts fights, car chases, shootouts, and of course, explosions.

The action scenes in The Expendables range from lousy and mediocre to stellar and bad ass. Highlights include a car chase through Ross' home town, a massive fight in an old series of tunnels, and an explosive finale where every Expendable gets their kill on as they go up against a literal army of trained soldiers. The awesome three way fight between Jet Li, Statham, and Daniels is the absolute best action scene in the entire film. In fact, the entire set piece that takes place within the tunnels below the general's stronghold is the film's strongest display of action. Stallone makes sure to deliver a heavy body count somewhere in the hundreds. After all, how can you make a film that pays homage to the genre where male actors massacre henchmen and bad guys left and right if it doesn't feature a 100 plus body count? Stallone does just fine by the film's plentiful shootouts, practical explosions, and heavy body count. The Expendables' downfall as an action film lies in Stallone's over reliance on digital effects for the film's bloodier moments and moving backgrounds.

Action films from the 70s, 80s, and 90s are well remembered for their practical squibs. It wasn't until the late 90s and early 2000s when digital blood made its way into action cinema. Therefore, unless your film exists within a highly stylized world like 300 or Sin City, digital blood deserves no place in your picture. The unfortunate truth is that The Expendables exists within a real world and heavily utilizes digital blood effects. Some theories about the obvious digital blood and poor green screen effects point to them being the result of a lesser budget and rushed production. However, I highly doubt that the budget had anything to do with it, as $80 million is quite the amount of money to put behind a film. Stallone mostly succeeds in paying tribute to the old days, but stumbles every now and than when awful digital blood and shaky green screens seep into the mix.

Crews lights up a guard tower with his trusty AA-12.

The Expendables is no masterpiece, or even a great film for that matter. Stallone's ode to all things action suffers from cheap humor, under developed characters, and a razor thin plot that exists purely to put stars and action on the screen. That being said, I still find Stallone's ode to all things action irresistible. If one can look past the awful 'dad' humor and cheap digital effects, The Expendables is everything that one wants from an old fashioned action film. How often does one watch an action film with this robust of an ensemble cast? The Expendables is also the only way that you will catch actors like Gary Daniels and Dolph Lundgren on the big screen or within a big studio picture. 

I consider Stallone's The Expendables to be a mostly solid action picture that bravely represents the genre that I love so much with all of my heart. Sure, it could have been made better. And yes, Stallone looks like hell in the film. But these guys started it all. And here they are 30 years later, still kicking. I'd be damned if I didn't stand by them and celebrate the action genre with them. The Expendables should be hailed as an important film in action history when all of the titans stood side by side and gave the genre their all one last time.

Rating: 7/10 - A solid action film that marches forward through its flaws thanks to its impressive cast and over all purpose: to keep the old fashioned action film alive and kicking.

Franchise:

The Expendables (Sylvester Stallone, 2010)

The Expendables 2 (Simon West, 2012)

The Expendables 3 (Patrick Hughes, 2014)

Cobra (1986) - Review

Director: George P. Costamos

Cast: Sylvester Stallone, Brigitte Nielsen, Andrew Robinson, Reni Santoni, Brian Thompson

Country: United States

Rating: R

Run Time: 87 minutes

After blowing up all that remained of Vietnam in 1985 with Rambo: First Blood Part II, director George P. Costamos and Sylvester Stallone reunited one year later to tear up the streets of L.A. in Cobra, a silly but highly entertaining 80s actioner that blatantly rips off Dirty Harry. It's clear that Stallone, the screenwriter of the film, envisioned for the film's titular character to become the next franchise character for him a-la Rocky Balboa or John Rambo.

Unfortunately, Cobra did not merit any sequels despite its impressive box office results. It's a shame, because the character is tailor made for more adventures. If Clint Eastwood could return to the Harry Callahan character four times, why couldn't Cobra return? I'd much rather live in a world where Cobra 2 and Cobra 3 exist instead of the abysmal Expendables sequels that Stallone repeatedly returns too despite their all around crappiness. However, we'll always have Cobra, a flawed but under appreciated entry in Stallone's lengthy action filmography.

"Welcome to the 80s."

Marion "Cobra" Cobretti (Sylvester Stallone) is a member of an elite division within the LAPD called "The Zombie Squad." He is only called upon when the LAPD encounters a problem that can only be resolved by someone with immense skill. The film opens with a rather disturbing scene in which a crazed man opens fire on grocery store attendants with a pump shot gun. While this scene might have played as cinematic escapism in 1986, it now stands as a disturbing reminder of today's all too real shootings and killing sprees. Fortunately, the psychopathic gun man's murder spree is cut short when Cobretti sneaks up on him and dispatches him with his impressive quick draw skills.

This opening scene introduces us to Cobretti and establishes that crazed people are committing crimes in the name of the New World Order, a cult like group of people led by The Night Slasher (Brian Thompson), a psychopathic serial killer. I'm not certain exactly what the New World Order wants though, as their goals and motivations are never clearly outlined. When Ingrid Knudsen (Brigitte Nielsen), a model, witnesses the Night Slasher kill one night, she alerts the police. This earns her the Night Slasher's rage, as he wishes to dispatch her as quickly as possible so as not to jeopardize his New World Order. As Cobretti investigates into the Night Slasher case, he eventually learns of Ingrid and realizes that he must protect her from the Night Slasher and his psychopathic followers. Cobretti and Ingrid eventually leave the city and head for the country in order to escape the Night Slasher and ultimately confront him once and for all.

Cobra is first and foremost a blatant Dirty Harry rip off. The opening credits alone are a blatant rip off of the opening credits from Magnum Force, the second Dirty Harry film. As Cobra monologues off screen about society's rampant crime rate, a pistol turns towards the screen and fires at the viewer exactly as Harry does in opening credits to Magnum Force. But the Dirty Harry comparisons don't stop there. 

There is no subtlety in Cobra, only hyper realized extremism.

Cobretti himself is modeled after Harry Callahan, the titular character of the Dirty Harry series. He's a larger than life cop who doesn't play by the rules, has an extreme distaste for criminals, and repeatedly clashes with authority. All of these characteristics are staples of the Harry Callahan character. However, Cobretti is nothing more than an invincible and ridiculous imitation of Callahan without any of Callahan's charm or realism. I know that it might sound ridiculous of me to say that Harry Callahan is a remotely realistic character, but the fact that Callahan's wife died by the hands of a drunk driver and that Callahan gets his ass handed to him in each of the Dirty Harry films makes his character all the more relatable and realistic. Cobretti is nothing but a cheap imitation of all of the things that make Harry Callahan an iconic and relatable character.

Cobretti also has a signature hand gun of his own just as Harry does. Cobretti carries a customized Colt Gold Cup National Match while Callahan carries around his iconic .44 Magnum. Stallone makes his character all the sillier by adding an actual Cobra graphic to the handle of his gun. Cobra also has a plot similar to Dirty Harry in that it tells the story of a cop who must go to extremes in order to stop a serial killer from slaughtering innocent civilians. Cobra even has two of Dirty Harry's main cast members, Andy Robinson and Reni Santoni. Santoni even plays the same character that he played in Dirty Harry, that of the friendly partner to the larger than life protagonist. And his character even has the same name! I best stop writing about how similar Cobra and Dirty Harry are to one another or else that is all this review will become.

The key to enjoying Cobra is to not take it seriously or fault it as a lousy Dirty Harry rip-off. Instead, one must embrace Cobra as a cheesy action film from the 80s that shows off all of that decades excess and glory in the form of its star, soundtrack, and slasher influences. Cobra is not a good film to say the least, but at least it's a damn fun one, which is more than I can say for some action films. As far as Stallone films come, Cobra is one of his most entertaining and wildly violent. I wish that Stallone either did more cop films like this or turned Cobra into a franchise because I tend to prefer cobs and robber type films over men on a mission films a-la Rambo.

Product placement as subtle as Spider-Man jumping in front of the American flag.

Marion "Cobra" Cobretti is a larger than life character who doesn't play by the rules and exists purely for cinematic escapism. He also exists as a way for Stallone to explore one of his favorite obsessions in the world: food. I don't know what was going on with Stallone at the time that he wrote this screenplay, but he peppers this entire film with themes of food; from product placement, to discussions of food, to the act of eating the damn stuff. The most mind boggling scene in all of Cobra occurs right towards the beginning when Cobretti returns home and pulls a day old pizza out of his fridge. Instead of grabbing the pizza and biting into like any sane person, Cobretti grabs a pair of scissors and cuts off a triangle of the thing to eat. This scene boggles my mind like no other, as nobody cuts their pizza with scissors for goodness sakes.

Cobra also gets major action cred for being set at Christmas time a-la the Die Hards and the Shane Blacks. I'm a huge sucker for Christmas time action films and am thankful that Stallone tackled the season of cheer at least once in his filmography.

However, what makes Cobra so distinct from the rest of the action genre and its 80s counterparts is its obvious slasher influences. I would argue that Cobra is almost an action/horror hybrid because of its eerie music, diabolic shot selection, and terrifying characters. Unlike Dirty Harry's Scorpio villain, the Night Slasher is literally a slasher who walks around and slices open men and women throughout the night with a massive knife with spikes coming off of it. If I were to show you a few choice scenes from the film without any context, you might expect them to be from a slasher film that you were not aware of. Women in high heels and nice outfits are constantly in danger and peril thanks to Stallone's screenplay and Brian Thompson's thirst for murder. Cobra is also heavily reminiscent of Eastwood's Tightrope thanks to their narratives of cops huntings serial killers and their incorporation of the slasher sub-genre.

Cobra lays waste to a horde of New World Order worshippers.

Despite their entertaining acts of insanity, Cobra's villains are immensely frustrating. The film's many serial killers all claim to be a part of a cult entitled The New World Order. This New World Order stands around in a warehouse, clanks their axes together in unison, and goes around and kills people late at night in various ways. However, they never explain why they kill people and how it will help establish their new world order. In fact, they never even explain what their vision for a new world order is anyway. The film's cult-like villains are as generic and poorly written as a gang of psychopaths can be.

Fortunately, Cobra has a wealth of action, courtesy of Cobretti's cobra stamped pistol and his laser sighted machine gun. The film's first impressive action sequence comes in the form of a car chase / gun fight at the film's mid point in which Cobretti must defend Ingrid from the New World Order. The car chase is packed with large explosions and impressive slow motion shots of flying cars and flipping vehicles. 

Unfortunately, the final battle ends the film on a whimper. Although packed to the brim with bodies and gun fire, the action sequence is plagued by lousy editing and unnecessary extreme close up shots of Cobretti's gun barrel blazing away. There's nothing sillier than seeing Stallone grit his teeth, followed by a shot of his gun barrel fire, and than finally a shot of a henchman falling to the ground. The deaths are made all the lamer and the action all the weaker because Stallone's bullets never connect with the henchmen in a convincing manner. We are instead forced to look at an extreme close up of his gun's barrel, followed by a flailing henchman.

Aviator shades and a toothpick in the mouth. The definition of bad ass.

Cobra honestly has more cons than it does pros. However, its unabashed 80s aesthetic keeps it afloat and immensely entertaining from start to finish. Besides the awesome action sequences, bad ass cast, and slasher influences, Cobra benefits from an amazing soundtrack of 80s artists that ranges from Robert Tepper to Gladys Night. I always love the hell out of Stallone's song choices and am a complete sucker for an 80s love ballad, no matter how cheesy and silly the song is or the film that its accompanies. Cobra is a guilty pleasure if there ever was one, and I am unashamed to admit to loving it. Therefore, I can't help but recommend Cobra to all action fans, especially to Stallone heads. Even though Cobra is a worse film than all four of the Rambo pictures, I would argue that it is infinitely more entertaining than any of them thanks to its ridiculous plot and cheesy romance. I also especially recommend the film to slasher fans due to its obvious slasher influences and women in peril sub-plot.

Rating: 7/10 - A ridiculously right winged action film that comes off more as silly escapism than a legitimate message film the way that Stallone probably intended.