The Last Stand (2013) - Review

Director: Kim Jee-woon

Cast: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Johnny Knoxville, Peter Stormare, Forrest Whitaker, Jaimie Alexander

Country: United States

Rating: R

Run Time: 107 min

When one thinks of the phrase "action star," there are many names that come to mind: Sylvester Stallone, Steven Seagal, Bruce Willis, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Jackie Chan, etc. However, I think that we can all agree that no one defines the notion of the action star more so than Arnold Schwarzenegger. After dominating both the 80s and 90s with several successful and truly stupendous action films, Arnold announced his retirement from action movies in the early 2000s, with Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines acting as his final film before he began his term as Governor of California. Fortunately for action fans, Arnold's self imposed retirement only lasted a solid decade, as he eventually came back to action cinema for good in the 2010s. Although he had made cameo appearances in both 2010's The Expendables and 2012's The Expendables 2, he hadn't led an action film for a solid 10 years. Therefore, 2013's The Last Stand was a big deal at the time of its release, as it was Arnold's first starring role in a long time and the announcement of his return to action cinema. 

Unfortunately, the film was a mild flop, and quickly faded into obscurity. Arnold himself and action fans had to face the harsh truth: action films starring aged action icons no longer made the money that they used too. Although Arnold was officially back, few people cared to notice. Therefore, The Last Stand came and went in the blink of an eye, with most people foregoing it as "just another action film." However, I am now here, a mere three years after its release, to give the film another shot, and to see how well it holds up. If the rest of society won't give Arnold the time of day, than at least I will.

He's back!

For a comeback vehicle, The Last Stand offers up a good plot to reintroduce Arnold to audiences, although it is unfortunately muddled by some poor story telling decisions. Arnold plays Sheriff Ray Owens, a former L.A.P.D. Narcotics Officer who has chosen to settle down in his elder years as the sheriff of Sommerton, Arizona, a small town near the border of Mexico. However, Owens' peaceful life is shook up when a notorious drug cartel, Gabriel Cortez, escapes from custody and heads towards the border for freedom, with only Sommerton standing in his way. With the entire town nearly deserted due to an out of town sports game, Owens assembles as many hands as he can to help him stop Cortez and his men from making their way through the town. 

If The Last Stand should be remembered for anything, it is that it thankfully restores a sense of fun back to action cinema, especially when held up to its competitors at the time. Interestingly enough, The Last Stand was released around the same time as Walter Hill's Bullet to the Head, starring Sylvester Stallone, and John Moore's A Good Day to Die Hard, starring Bruce Willis, the two other faces of action cinema's "big three," as I like to refer to them. By the way, how often does that happen? The three biggest action stars in American cinema all starred in R-rated films that were released at the same time, that's pretty awesome if you ask me. Anyways, both Bullet to the Head and A Good Day to Die Hard pale in comparison to The Last Stand, as they represent the dire and dull tone of contemporary American action. Although not devoid of humor, both of those films' jokes conjure up only groans, not genuine laughs or smiles. In comparison to said films, The Last Stand is a breath of fresh air, as it perfectly recaptures the tone of 80s action cinema in that it treats its subject matter seriously whilst offering up self aware humor and bloodshed in spades. Without a doubt, The Last Stand is one of the liveliest offerings of the "Old Guys Kick Ass" movement of the late aughts and early 2010s.

Even though it's a blast to watch and never boring, The Last Stand can't help but mess up a fairly simplistic plot by committing one of the most heinous sins in all of cinema: making Arnold's Ray Owens a supporting character within his own movie. From the onset, it's clear that Owens is the protagonist, as he is the sheriff of Sommerton, and he's played by Arnold Schwarzenegger of all people. Unfortunately, the film's script (or decisions made while shooting, that one's for you Max Landis) makes the decision to focus nearly half of the film's focus and run time on Gabriel Cortez's escape from custody and the F.B.I.'s attempts to hunt him down. Therefore, a federal agent played by Forrest Whitaker constantly takes over the picture and steals much of the screen time away from little Sommerton. So much time is spent on the F.B.I.'s hunt and Cortez's escape that you'll honestly forget all about Owen and friends during the first two acts of the film. Not until the titular last stand kicks in does Arnold take center stage. This was a huge mistake on the filmmaker's part, as Owen and friends don't have much to do until the "bad guys" show up for a big gun battle. There needed to be a complete script rewrite or something along those lines, as The Last Stand falls hardest in terms of its storytelling and handling of character.

Hey Noriega, loved you in The Devil's Backbone, hate you in this though.

Before I go any further, it is important to mention that The Last Stand was not only Arnold's comeback vehicle, but also South Korean director Kim Jee-woon's first English language picture. Known for his acclaimed and highly visceral trilogy of action thrillers starring Byung Hun Lee (A Bittersweet Life, The Good the Bad the Weird, I Saw the Devil), Jee-woon is one of the most exciting directors working today, alongside his fellow South Korean compadres Park Chan-wook (The Vengeance Trilogy) and Bong Joon-ho (The Host).

Unfortunately, The Last Stand barely represents Jee-woon as a filmmaker. Unlike Chan-wook and Joon-ho, whose own English language debuts (Stoker, Snowpiercer) heavily represent them, The Last Stand feels like a studio picture that Jee-woon was simply hired on to direct, and nothing more. It also probably didn't help that he didn't speak English at all, as all of his directions were translated to the actors. When one even looks at Jee-woon's entire filmography, The Last Stand sticks out like a sore thumb, more of an oddity or even a mistake, and not so much a building block or progression of his thematic sensibilities or skills as a filmmaker. I would compare Jee-woon's The Last Stand to John Woo's 1996 blockbuster, Broken Arrow, one of his blandest American films that only showcases his mastery of action. Still, even though The Last Stand barely represents Jee-woon, it does feature his eye for action that makes all of his previous films so unforgettable.

Besides Arnold, the other reason that you come to The Last Stand for is its action, there's no denying it. Thankfully, most of the action in the film is solid, as loads of practical squibs and vehicular stunt work adorn the screen. Jee-woon's fast paced and visceral action lands just as hard as in his South Korean efforts, although nowhere near as dramatically compelling as in those films. Every second of Owens' and friends last stand against a group of armed mercenaries is fun, exciting, and filled with numerous memorable kills; ranging from henchmen being ripped in half by an old German turret to Arnold jumping off of a roof with a gunman and shooting him in the face as they fall. Trust me, it's a blast. On the other hand, all of the action that precedes the titular last stand is somewhat wasted, as it doesn't involve Arnold or add to the story very much. Therefore, the film constantly bombards you with technically impressive action, but it's mostly hollow at its center.

Peter Stormare rightfully steals the picture from everyone else.

A few signs of DTV cinema creep into the mix as well, which is no surprise given that the film was distributed by Lionsgate, who partners with the likes of Summit and Millenium, who more or less distribute big budget DTV films themselves. Flaws include an unnecessarily large cast of characters who are purely in service of the plot and take away from the dignified protagonist, an overly complicated plot, on screen text that tells you what time it is even though you'll most likely forget about it seconds later, and awful green screen during interior car scenes, but that's about it. These technical and storytelling flaws don't out right kill the film, but they definitely hold it back from the being the great B-picture that it could have been.

As far as Arnold performances come, he is at the top of his game here, at least when he is given the time to dominate the screen. Arnold gets to shine in his first true old man role in which he interacts with small town folk like an every man and even shows off the limitations of his age. When Arnold leaps through double doors in order to avoid enemy fire, a patron asks, "How are you doing Sheriff?" to which Arnold replies, "Old," in his wonderful Arnie way. Although Arnold is a blast in all of his action and comedic scenes, I highly enjoy his dramatic scenes as well. They're a nice counter balance to the moments ripe with self aware one-liners, as it proves that Arnold is an all encompassing actor who can nail any tone or character. Sheriff Ray Owens may be far from a deep character, although he does have an unflinching sense of honor, but he's one of Arnold's very best. And coming so late in his career, it's nice to see Arnold shake it up a bit with an honorable law man type whose glory days are over, which is a nice reflection of Arnold's own action hero career.

On a final note, The Last Stand has a surprisingly large and diverse cast of notable character actors, Award winning performers, comedians, and action stars. If you thought that Arnold Schwarzenegger was enough, than you better believe that this film also has Johnny Knoxville, Peter Stormare, Luis Guzman, Forrest Whitaker, Jamie Alexander, Eduardo Noriega, Daniel Henney, and even Harry Dean Stanton. Of those supporting players, the one who shines the brightest is Stormare as Thomas Burrell, the man in charge of Cortez's armed group of mercenaries. Stormare, who has always had a knack for crafting unique supporting characters with his unforgettable personality and Swedish accent, portrays a slimey villain who proves to be more enjoyable to watch than even his own superior portrayed by The Devil's Backbone's Noriega. Watching Arnold go head to head with Noriega in the finale is a chore, as the two in no way earn their face off, despite the fun car chase they engage in, but seeing Arnold lead a group of lawmen against Stormare and his armed mercenaries makes for The Last Stand's greatest human versus human conflict, as well as its biggest take away from an entertainment stand point. Case in point: Peter Stormare should be in more movies, or should have at least been the lead villain of this film.

"Welcome to Sommerton!"

While The Last Stand is far from great, and somewhat far from even being good, it's an immensely watchable action picture for numerous reasons. For starters, Jee-woon keeps the film moving along at a steady pace and with a great sense of humor. Once the film arrives to its third act, it's nothing but a breeze to watch. Jee-woon also directs the hell out of some fun and bad ass action sequences that give old man Arnold a chance to shine in his elder years. And speaking of Arnold, he gives a solid performance as a dedicated sheriff that reflects an everyman more so than an invincible killing machine (note: he kills around six people in the entire film, that's it). Therefore, based purely upon Arnold's memorable performance, the striking action, and sense of levity, The Last Stand earns my recommendation. Say what you will about the film, but when held up against 50% or so of the bland DTV releases or dull studio actioners that come out nowadays, it's a blast to watch, and a helluva lot of fun.

Rating: 6/10 - Arnold's presence and Jee-woon's always incredible action are the only things that hold this film up beyond its serviceable plot and convoluted storytelling. Recommended for die hard fans only.

Last Action Hero (1993) - Review

Director: John McTiernan

Cast: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tom Noonan, Charles Dance, Austin O'Brien, Robert Prosky

Country: United States

Rating: PG-13

Run Time: 131 min

Last Action Hero is a fun meta action parody from the early 90s when Arnold Schwarzenegger was the biggest movie star on the planet and the action genre ruled. At the time of the film's release, Schwarzenegger was at the top of his game, haven just come off of the hugely successful Total Recall and Terminator 2: Judgment Day. Therefore, it probably made sense to put the King of Action into a parody of the entire genre tailor made around his image and iconography.

Unfortunately, Last Action Hero suffers from a particularly uneven script, as the film struggles to balance both its comedic and dramatic elements. Toss in the fact that the film is directed by action maestro John McTiernan (Die Hard, Predator) and co-written by Shane Black (Lethal Weapon, The Last Boy Scout), and you have an odd misfire of a film that should have been a hit based on the talent in front and behind the camera. Regardless, Last Action Hero is a fascinating piece of action history, sort of the pre-Scream for the action genre, but nowhere near as good as Scream per say.

This fortunately was not the "last" action film for our hero.

Danny Madigan (Austin O' Brien) is a young kid obsessed with action movies, especially the Jack Slater film series starring Arnold Schwarznegger. When he gets the chance to pre-screen "Jack Slater IV," his projector friend Nick (Robert Prosky) tells him that he cannot enter the movie without a ticket. He hands him a golden ticket that the magician Houdini gave him years ago and tells him that it can transport him wherever he wishes it too. However, Danny finds out that the ticket is more than just a regular ticket when it literally transports him inside of "Jack Slater IV." Using the information that he obtained from watching the first scenes of the film, Danny helps Slater solve the mystery inside of his own film and points out the cliches and such of the action genre along the way. Things are complicated when Benedict (Charles Dance), the film within the film's main villain, gets ahold of Danny's ticket and decides to transport to the real world.

While Last Action Hero may be fun and games from beginning to end, you couldn't pay me to care about any of these characters. I am sorry, but I don't understand how I am supposed to care about a group of characters whom inhabit a cliche-ridden parody all about pointing out cliches. The "Jack Slater IV" movie world is just a joke and not meant to be taken seriously. Therefore, viewers will not be able to take any of the characters that inhabit said world seriously because the world and its rules are so bonkers in the first place (i.e. a cartoon cat can show up and save the day, Robert Patrick's T-1000 shows up for no reason, etc). Another big issue with the film is that it gets strangely serious in its final half, especially once Slater realizes that he is a fictitious character played by Arnold Schwarzenegger. The problem with introducing depth and drama to a parody in its final half is that it clashes with all of the silly comedy and action packed antics that preceded it. Therefore, viewers will feel confused and betrayed by the otherwise fun film's rather abrupt turn into multi-layered character work.

The film also struggles to balance its focus between Slater and Danny, the true protagonist of the film. Even though Danny helps Slater realize that he is a movie character and that he should take command of his life and not go with the cliches, Danny himself learns nothing. As I watched the film, I thought that Danny would come to realize something wrong about his movie obsessed ways. But alas, Danny simply goes on an adventure and learns absolutely nothing. His entire journey proves to be pointless and all the more frustrating because of this. This film desperately needed an arc for the kid to experience and to base everything around. All of these character issues, as well as the film's clashing tones, are to blame on the film's rather uneven script, or at least the drama that went on behind the scenes.

Arguably the best joke in the movie.

The script was originally penned by Zak Penn and Adam Leff and meant as a parody of action films, typically the ones written by the likes of Shane Black (Lethal Weapon) and Steven E. de Souza (Die Hard). However, Black himself was eventually brought in to rewrite the film, and given credit for the script while its previous writers were bumped down to story credit. When Arnold himself demanded that his character be written as more of a three dimensional character, Last Action Hero slowly but surely signed its death certificate. Penn and Leff's original idea for the film was to tell a story where a movie obsessed 15 year old boy helps a two dimensional movie star survive the movie world. It was meant to be an action parody and nothing more. Black and Arnold on the other hand wanted to add more dramatic depth to the film, thereby drifting the film more towards the typical action films that Black and Arnold had made and less like the action parody that the script originally envisioned. Therefore, these creative decisions ultimately resulted in a film that could not realize its identity, thereby creating an odd rift between comedy and drama. 

An action parody cannot be goofy, silly, and meta, but also attempt to be dramatic, compelling, and dark. The two disparate tones do not mix, as most evident in the film's rather dark and serious final act. Another reason this blend of tones does not work is because the film stars a 12 year old boy and is rated PG-13. It's clear that these decisions were made to prime the film for a wider audience, mainly kids who were watching R rated action films that they should not have been watching in the first place. However, by putting a child front and center to all of this action and violence, Last Action Hero forgets its parody roots and drifts into the action/drama realm all too often. Therefore, you have a film that tries to be a bad ass action film directed by McTiernan, but also one that has to fulfill its comedic elements and be a whimsical fantasy film from the early 90s at the same time. All of these separate tones and goals simply do not mix into a worthwhile product, or at least one that the viewer is supposed to care about.

Despite all of its flaws, Last Action Hero is a blast of a 90s blockbuster courtesy of McTiernan's eye for great action, its fantastical plot (even though it doesn't make much sense), and meta analysis of the action genre and its biggest star. It's sort of Scream for the action genre, but without characters to care for or an intriguing mystery to hang its meta-analysis upon. It's more of a children's fantasy than anything else, especially when you consider the film's rating and youthful protagonist.

Hey, it's Al Leong! The kids will get that cameo alright.

The fun in watching Last Action Hero comes in the form of recognizing the cliches that Danny spots. He points out that characters can't say the "f" word in a PG-13 movie, that sequels always get harder for the hero, that scenes change easily because of movie set placement, and that Arnold always says, "I'll be back," in his movies, as it is sort of his calling card. It may be silly and extremely dated for a character to point out these things as they experience them, but it is part of the fun of watching the film, especially one that was made in the early 90s.

For a comedy, Last Action Hero sports two extremely vicious and menacing performances by Charles Dance (Alien 3) and Tom Noonan (Manhunter) as the film's dual villains. Dance plays a ruthless gangster who can change out one of his glass eyeballs because...why not, it looks cool. Dance exudes extreme malice during his real world scenes, especially when he murders innocent people off screen. Noonan plays an extremely creepy villain entitled the Ripper, a raincoat wearing slasher with an axe to boot. Noonan's character is dressed up in so much makeup that he might as well be a zombie or a monster. He looks absolutely ridiculous and extremely terrifying at the same time. Noonan, well known for his creepy characters, dives into the character and sends chills down the viewer's spine. It seems that McTiernan probably forgot to tell Dance and Noonan that they were in a children's comedy. Regardless, their performances result in arguably the film's most memorable characters and moments.

Although rated PG-13, Last Action Hero is still a fairly violent action film with lots of creative kills and even a little sneaky foul language courtesy of a fast talking Lieutenant. Therefore, action fans won't feel cheated by the film's tamer rating. After all, a PG-13 rated film from 1993 is far more violent than a PG-13 rated film today. 

This guy will give you nightmares.

Most of the film's kills are either bloodless, particularly jokey, or creative. For example, in order to take out a room of henchmen in one scene, Arnold stabs a dead guy with an electrical wire to make him fire his gun into other guys. Although bad ass, the kill is jokey and lighthearted. Many of the film's on screen kills, like that one, are comically exaggerated in order to lessen their violent impact. Whenever people get shot, it typically occurs off screen or causes them to fly back several feet, thereby diminishing their impact. However, a majority of the film's death are due to explosions, as explosions are never violent and always deemed suitable for PG and PG-13 affair. Notable character actor Al Leong dies during the film's first big action scene when an ice cream truck explodes and sends a cone into the back of his head, thereby killing him. Even though Leong died, his death was comically exaggerated so as to lessen its killing blow. If the viewer can handle such mild violence, than Last Action Hero is a blast of a film to watch. Just set your action sights low, turn off your brain, and have a good time.

Despite its mild violence, Last Action Hero still contains several fun and exciting action sequences. The film peaks in its first set piece when Danny transports into "Jack Slater IV" and finds himself inside of Slater's car during a shootout. This fun action scene contains some impressive vehicular stunt work, memorable one liners, and AC/DC's "Big Gun." The set piece ends on a flat out hilarious moment in which a henchmen's car flies through the air in the background of a shot and explodes upon hitting the ground. It's bad ass and funny at the same time.

The film also sports a comical but impressive set piece at a gangster's funeral in which Slater and Danny must stop a dead gangster from seeping toxic gas into the air. McTiernan pulls out all of the stops here, especially during an impressive shot in which a stuntman swings off of an elevator on the side of a building. The climactic finale at the "Jack Slater IV" premiere is unfortunately devoid of tension or excitement despite is long run time and mass amount of celebrity cameos. 

Before I leave this film to the archives of my blog's site, I thought that I would point out some rather ridiculous plot holes that stick out like a sore thumb. For starters, the entire film's conceit doesn't make much sense. Nick tells Danny that Houdini gave him a ticket long ago that can transport you anywhere you wish. When Danny watches "Jack Slater IV," he sees an animated stick of dynamite fly into the theater. When he runs away from the exploding dynamite, he wakes up inside of the movie. What gives, how does a stick of dynamite transport into the real world? When they come back to the theater at the end of the movie, the dynamite did no damage. Another ridiculous moment includes the appearance of The Seventh Seal's Death, played by Ian McKellen. After Death shows up to "help" Danny for no good reason, he simply walks away, free to roam the streets. Guys, Death is on the loose! How can you leave such a plot thread hanging!? And while we're at it, how about that home invader who breaks into Danny's home, threatens him, and than leaves him alone. What was the point of that scene? It's absolutely terrifying and horribly realistic, and yet it found a way into a children's comedy? I don't know what went on in the editing room of this film.

Slater and his trusty Deagle.

Although Last Action Hero is deemed a flop by box office and critical standards, it's still an entertaining time at the movies. The film is an immensely nostalgic picture that 90s kids will probably have a blast revisiting or watching for the first time like myself. It's just a shame that the filmmakers couldn't decided upon an identity for the film upon its inception. Fortunately, this type of meta-genre picture would be perfected by Wes Craven a few years later in 1996's Scream, a fun and tense horror film that still found a way to comment on its genre and not appear overtly showy. Regardless, Last Action Hero is a commendable yet failed effort at meta-analysis, courtesy of the early 90s.

Rating: 6/10 - An immensely flawed, although highly entertaining, 90s action blockbuster that is purely for action fans like myself, or those with a taste for flawed but whimsical children's films.

Red Heat (1988) - Retrospective Review

Director: Walter Hill

Cast: Arnold Schwarzenegger, James Belushi, Gina Gershon, Ed O'Ross, Peter Boyle

Country: United States / Russia

Rating: R

Run Time: 104 min

Red Heat is a buddy cop film from writer/director Walter Hill (The Warriors) that came out during the buddy cop craze. Hill's 1982 smash hit, 48 Hrs, helped popularize and establish the buddy cop sub-genre and formula in the first place. Six years later, Hill found himself returning to the genre that he helped establish with Red Heat, a buddy cop actioner that sought to portray Russians in a positive manner unlike another 1988 actioner, Rambo III. 

The film is both light Arnold Schwarzenegger and light Walter Hill, neither an exemplary piece of filmmaking in either bad ass icon's filmography nor a blemish either. The story may contain solid substance in the form of a Russian and an American trying to learn how to work together in a post-Cold War world, but it otherwise goes with the motions and engages the viewer in no way beyond a hilarious one-liner here and a bad ass shootout there. Still, action fans would be kidding themselves to miss out on a lesser 80s buddy cop film, especially one starring the biggest action star of the 80s, Schwarzenegger. 

"Cocanum!"

Captain Ivan Danko (Arnold Schwarzenegger), a Russian police officer, is in search of Viktor Rosta (Ed O Ross), a Russian drug dealer. When Danko and his partner engage Rosta, Danko loses both his partner and several of his officers in the ensuing shootout. As Rosta flees to Chicago, Danko pursues after him and eventually teams up with Chicago police officer Art Ridzik (James Belushi) in order to obtain jurisdiction in America. The two must learn to work with one another and take down Rosta after becoming personally engaged in the case. 

While other action films of the 80s depicted Russians as villains and Americans as heroes, Red Heat was one of the first to present a solution to the two's indifferences. The crux of the film is its buddy pairing between Danko, a strict and stoic Russian cop, and Ridzik, a foulmouthed but lighthearted American officer. Red Heat straight up addresses the vast differences between the two countries' peoples, but opts for a positive message about team work and setting aside said differences. 

The script finds common ground for its two characters in the form of their profession and quest to combat crime and the cocaine drug craze of the 80s. Danko sends off the film with an excellent line that sums up the entire film's message about the tension between the Russians and the Americans, "We are both cops, not politicians." I don't know about you, but I think that is a rather profound and strong message to end a buddy cop film on. To be honest, it's the only profound or noble message in the entire film, as everything else is pretty much 80s excess. Still, Red Heat shows notable progression in its depiction of Russians in American cinema as opposed to Rambo III's message to the Russians, "F*** em!"

"Freeze motherf*****!"

I know that people love to crap on Arnold Schwarzenegger as an actor, but I think that he gives a very good performance in this film as a Russian officer. Even though he is the furthest thing from Russian, his height, hair cut, and muscles sell the role. Danko learns over the course of the film that his Russian superiors are a tad too intense and that enforcing the law is more important that saving face for his country. 

While it is clear that Danko is the action guy of the buddy pairing, Red Heat is a rare example of buddy cop cinema in which the action guy completely overshadows the more comical guy, that being Belushi's Ridzik. After all, Arnold was a movie star at the time, and it's hard to think of Arnold sharing top billing with any other actor. Therefore, he makes for an interesting choice for a buddy cop film, a sub-genre of action cinema all about sharing screen time and themes of friendship. In retrospect, I am happy to see that Arnold tackled the buddy cop sub-genre at least once in his filmography. I also realized that Ivan Danko's name sounds an awful lot like Ivan Drago, Dolph Lundgren's character from Stallone's Rocky IV. It's an odd coincidence, but both Ivans are Russian, tall, muscular, and have the same haircut. Once again, leave it to Stallone to taint the image of Russians.

Even though Red Heat is as entertaining as most of the action films of its respective decade, the film rarely engages or pulls in the viewer as much as it should. One of the film's weaknesses is in fact its buddy pairing. Although unique, Arnold Schwarzenegger and James Belushi don't exactly make for a lovable duo of characters unlike the unforgettable pairings found in the Lethal Weapon and Rush Hour franchises. One could make the argument that a Russian and an American duo aren't supposed to work together exactly, and that could be the reason for the strangeness of the duo. However, Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan, an African American and an Asian, played completely different characters in Rush Hour and found a way to become one of action cinema's most memorable duos. Red Heat's buddy pair lacks the chemistry and sense of team work that makes other buddy pairs fun to watch. With everything being particularly dire, and Belushi honestly playing back up to Arnold, Red Heat is a rather humorless affair.

The characters themselves aren't exactly memorable or likable beyond the actors who play them too. The film adds insult to injury with a plot that heavily drags in its action-less second act, relying mainly upon formula and expected story beats. Most flawed films suffer from weak second acts, and Red Heat is one of them. If the film didn't feature the Russian angle, than it would be like any other bland buddy cop actioner out there with only style to boot, and style can only go so far when you've seen the umpteenth amount of action films that I have.

"You are a stupid!"

All insults aside, Red Heat is still a blast to watch. The film is pure Andrew Vajna and Mario Kassar produced 80s action, backed up by director Walter Hill and composer James Horner. The film is packed with everything that one adores about 80s action cinema: excessive violence, memorable one-liners, larger than life characters, scummy villains, unnecessary nudity, recognizable character actors, foul language, and vehicular mayhem. Hill's buddy flick also features some of Arnold's most hilarious one-liners, especially the unforgettable, "Cocanum!" Other hits include, "Who is Dirty Harry," "You are a stupid," "I am not sh*tting on you," and "Holy carne." 

Hill is one of the great filmmakers of bad ass cinema, haven directed several classics (The Warriors, The Long Riders, Southern Comfort) as well as a few lesser films (Extreme Prejudice, Last Man Standing, Bullet to the Head) that entertain no matter how good or bad they are. His eye for action is as great as ever here, directing a minimal but memorable selection of action sequences. As with most buddy films, the body count is especially light, although the sequences are quite good. Highlights include a bevy of solid shootouts, as well as a fantastic final car chase in which Arnold and Ed O Ross' characters plow buses through Chicago's city streets and landmarks. Despite a rather cheap and lousy final face off between Danko and main villain Rosta, Red Heat is filled with satisfactory action from start to finish.

Surprisingly enough, the most annoying element of the entire film is Horner's score. While typically an amazing artist, the late composer delivers a sub-standard and highly repetitive score that will grate your ears thirty minutes into the film. I honestly wondered to myself if Horner wasn't just re-composing tunes from Commando several scenes into the film. However, Horner is notorious for his similar sounding scores. Therefore, I should have known what I was getting in too. 

Nothing like a good ol' bus chase.

Red Heat is a perfect example of style over substance for 80s action cinema. The film's action is directed and photographed well, but the story that surrounds said antics is fairly bland and predictable for those who have been around the action block before. That being said, Red Heat is commendable for its positive message about team work amongst varying nations and for Arnold's great performance as a Russian officer. Besides, 80s action cinema is so popular and beloved amongst action fans that they honestly don't need me to tell them whether or not to check this one out. If Arnold and Hill are your guys, than put Red Heat on your to watch list. Otherwise, steer clear if mediocre buddy cop actioners aren't your thing. 

Rating: 6.5/10 - I typically don't give scores with a .5 rating, but I am going to give it to Red Heat. Action fans will definitely want to check this out, but its predictability and non-engaging plot pulls it down to the lower ends of action cinema. Than again, a lower level 80s action film is ten times more entertaining than half of today's contemporary action films.

The Expendables 2 (2012) - Retrospective Review

Director: Simon West

Cast: Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jean Claude Van Damme, Scott Adkins, Chuck Norris

Country: United States

Rating: R

Run Time: 103 min

The Expendables 2 is a fun but albeit flawed sequel to the equally flawed but noticeably more serious The Expendables. Stripped of the previous film's bleak tone and character driven nature, The Expendables is an all out action and cameo fest with little attention to character or common sense. The sequel does exactly what one expects from a sequel to such a franchise: amp up the stakes, deliver bigger set pieces, and introduce more action icons. However, the film's quality takes a hit due to such things. Even though the film's action scenes and stars are bigger and more plentiful, that doesn't necessarily mean that the sequel is a better film. 

With Stallone no longer at the helm of the director's chair, The Expendables 2 is a noticeably lighter affair that aims purely for action and nothing more. If the first film was made mostly for die hard action fans, than the sequel is made exclusively for action fans, as non-action fans and esteemed critics alike will find nothing to enjoy here. If Stallone, Statham, and Schwarzenegger aren't your buddies, than this is not the film for you. Action fans will be pleased to discover that the sequel features a stronger duo of villains and nearly triple the body count in exactly the same run time. 

The boys are back and ready to kick more ass.

The Expendables 2 opens with an insanely long and ridiculous action scene that trumps the finale of first film within minutes. One can immediately sense the difference between this film and its predecessor as characters crack jokes as they gun down nameless henchmen. After the Expendables survive said mission and head home, Barney is confronted by a very pissed Church (Bruce Willis) who is upset over the events of the first film. Church is frustrated that Barney and friends destroyed half of Vilena in the process of eliminating James Munroe. Therefore, Church tells Barney that he must retrieve a computer device from a downed plane in Albania or else he and the entire team are going to jail. Church also appoints an advisor, Maggie Chan (Yu Nan), to the team. After successfully retrieving the computer device, the mission goes from sour to worse when the mysterious Jean Vilain (Jean-Claude Van Damme) murders one of the Expendables and steals the device. Barney's simple retrieval mission quickly turns into a full blown quest for revenge as the Expendables team up with several old and new faces to take down Vilain.

The cracks in the Expendables franchise appear within minutes of sequel's start as the jokes and cameos come quicker than ever before. It's clear that with Stallone no longer directing, the Expendables franchise has more or less turned into a pure action fest, plain and simple. The bleak tone and mournful nature of Stallone's somewhat mature original is completely absent in this picture. Viewers are instead treated to a ridiculous amount of self referential comedy and lame humor that will only get a kick out of the dads in the audience. Here are some lines from The Expendables 2 that make me cringe in my seat:

"Fine, but if I don't get this back, your ass is terminated!" - Crews to Schwarzenegger

"Now that's what I call Chinese takeout!" - Statham to Jet Li parachuting out of plane

"I could really go for some Chinese food." - Lundgren to Nan

"After five hours of excruciating pain, the cobra died." - Norris literally making a Chuck Norris joke

"I now pronounce you, man and knife." - Statham as he throws a knife into a guy

"You've been back enough, I'll be back." - Willis to Schwarzenegger

"Yippe Ki-Yay." - Schwarzenegger to Willis

"Who's next, Rambo?" - Schwarzenegger to Norris

These are truly some of the worst lines of dialog that I have ever heard in a feature film. The biggest problem with cracking jokes like these during action sequences is that it deflates all of the tension out of the film's otherwise violent and gory proceedings. In the original Expendables, Stallone and friends only cracked jokes during down time or when they were away from their missions. This made sense, as trained mercenaries are nothing more than human. In the sequel however, no moment or action scene is sacred. A character can crack a joke or laugh about killing someone at a moment's notice and ruin what was otherwise a fun and awesome action scene. It is for reasons like these that The Expendables 2 is a noticeably weaker film than the original.

The action Gods smile upon us by reuniting both Van Damme and Adkins!

However, The Expendables 2 makes up for its flaws in certain areas that ultimately makes the film as watchable as Stallone's original. The sequel introduces a plethora of new characters and action icons that puts the original film's cast completely to shame. However, the screen time for each character seems more unbalanced this time around than ever before. After all, only so much screen time can be given to the same characters from before, along with the new ones, within a 103 minute film.

Sylvester Stallone completely phones in his performance this time around with a lazy and emotionless turn as the once bleak and human Barney Ross. Stallone barely conveys an honest human emotion throughout the film. He seems fit to maintain the same mildly tense attitude throughout the entire film. It's clear that Stallone's heart was not in the sequel as much as it was in the original.

Besides Mickey Rourke, all of the surviving members of the original film return with worse material to work with than before. One odd element of the sequel is that Jet Li is downgraded from being a significant supporting player to that of a mere cameo. It's a damn shame too, as Li is one of the few members of the franchise who can actually carry an action scene on his own. The Expendables 2 also introduces the first female ass kicker of the franchise, played by Yu Nan. Nan is given very little to do throughout the film and barely leaves an impression. Newcomer Liam Hemsworth, formerly Miley Cyrus' fiance, gives a surprisingly great performance as the teams' newest member. It's a shame that his character is killed off so soon, as Billy the Kid showcases more humanity and likability than any other Expendable in the entire sequel. Therefore, the sequel introduces very few new members to the core Expendables team.

"I now pronounce you, man and knife."

However, the sequel does step up both its cameo and villain game even more than the original film. Chuck Norris (Invasion U.S.A.) of all action stars makes a cameo appearance during the middle and end of the film as a lone mercenary who joins in on the action because...why not? His cameo is pretty ridiculous, but at least it gives Norris one last chance to up his total career kill count if anything else. Both Arnold and Bruce get in on the action this time around too. After merely standing still in the original film and cracking awful jokes, the two get to mow down bad guys this time while also cracking awful jokes. Upgraded from merely cameos, the two sort of become honorary members of the Expendables team. I am particularly embarrassed to admit it, but I kind of love the smart car bit where the two cram into a car and drive around shooting bad guys. It's incredibly silly but also bad ass at the same time. I especially love the shots of Arnie and Bruce leaning out of the car to pick up more guns to fire. However, The Expendables 2 drops the mic when it comes to its villain duo played by none other than Jean-Claude Van Damme (Hard Target) and Scott Adkins (Ninja, El Gringo). 

Van Damme and Adkins had already appeared in action films such as The Shepherd: Border Patrol, The Assassination Games, and Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning together. Adkins is more or less the new Jean-Claude Van Damme too. Therefore, their pairing in The Expendables 2 was a stroke of genius. Van Damme plays a villain literally named 'Vilain." You can't get more silly and on the nose than that. Van Damme steals the show and gives one of the best performances of his career as a psychotic and sadistic criminal who takes pleasure in killing people and admires the symbol of the goat. Adkins plays Van Damme's right hand man and makes for a nice foil to Statham's Lee Christmas. The two have an especially intense moment early on in the film where Statham disrepects Adkins, only to be forced to respect him back right afterwords. Van Damme and Adkins, two of my favorite action stars working today, are the main reason that I find myself returning to The Expendables 2 every now and than, not Stallone and Statham. 

And yet, for all of The Expendables 2 silliness, there is still an underlying story about redemption amongst its revenge plot. Barney sees Billy the Kid as himself, only younger and smarter. Billy admits early on in the film that the Expendables life is not for him, and that he is going to leave the team in order to be with his girlfriend. Barney admires this because he wish he had done the same early on in his life instead of wasting the years away killing people. Therefore, when Vilain kills Billy, Barney feels responsible and saddened because Billy had a chance to live a good life. Barney's quest to avenge Billy's death is more than just simple revenge, but a personal journey about redemption for himself and Billy's lost life.

Willis and Arnie get in on the fun.

From an action stand point, The Expendables 2 is pretty solid. The film is jam packed with more action than even the first film. In fact, the final hour of the film is more or less one action scene after another until the credits roll. Unfortunately, the sequel lacks the small scale and personal nature of the first film. The sequel's massive set pieces lack a considerable amount of direction or purpose and tend to come off as montages of violence at points. The final air port battle, while entertaining and jam packed with as much fan service as possible, is honestly a mess of an action scene. Characters simply pop up out of nowhere and gun down nameless henchmen even though they rarely take cover and leave themselves open to gun fire. What kind of trained mercenary would make such an error?

The sequel also opens with an insane action scene where every character must kill 10 to 100 people each. Statham alone kills more people here than most other actors get too in their entire careers. The film's action tends to be at its strongest when the attention is shifted towards a small scaled fight that takes place during a larger battle. For example, Jet Li's fight against a number of guards in a kitchen during the opening mission is infinitely more satisfying and awesome than the entire mission itself. The same can also be said for Statham's fight against the Sangs inside of a church while the rest of the Expendables gun down the various intruders in a village. Small scaled fights like steal the show every time.

One of my problems with the first Expendables is that the film didn't feature any great one on one fights. Nobody wanted to see Dolph go up against Jet Li or Stallone go up against Steve Austin. These fights are fine, but they in no way take advantage of the previous history or skills attached to said fighters. Dolph is too tall to fight a skilled martial artists like Jet Li and Stallone is the last person who should be taking on a professional wrestler. This is why I think that the three way fight between Jet Li, Statham, and Gary Daniels is the best fight in the original film because all three of those actors are middle aged martial arts centric actors who should be fighting one another. Fortunately, The Expendables 2 gets this aspect right and features two awesome fights that pit four separate icons of action against one another.

The first notable fight that takes place during the finale pits Statham against Adkins. Both Statham and Adkins are young action stars who perform martial arts in many of their films. Therefore, it makes sense for the two to duke it out at the end of the sequel. While it is unfortunate that their fight is exceptionally short, I'll take a short fight between the two any day over no fight. The Expendables 2 also pits two of action cinema's greatest titans, Stallone and Van Damme, against one another in the final fight of the film. Both Stallone and Van Damme are particularly elder actors who have been working in the genre for several decades now. Therefore, the two more or less brawl it out with one another and resort to lots of gut punches and takedowns in a fight that benefits from some excellent build up. This is exactly what the first Expendables film was lacking, a significant and long awaited one on one fight between two of action cinema's greatest titans. Fortunately, The Expendables 2 understands this and delivers.

"Do you wanna fight me like a man or like a sheep?"

Simon West's sequel to Stallone's ode to action packs in more action and cameos than previously thought imaginable. The face offs are better, the body count is higher, and the villains are even more memorable. Even Brian Tyler's excellent score from the first film is back too. Unfortunately, the film falls hard in other areas of the picture, thereby making The Expendables 2 a weaker but still satisfying sequel. The horrendous digital effects are back and even worse this time. Computerized helicopters have never looked so terrible. The sequel also features an added helping of comedy, but at the expense of the film's tension. 

The Expendables 2 aims purely for action and comedy, but nothing more than that. If the sequel had kept its focus on the characters and scaled down the action, than its testosterone infused proceedings might have been more enjoyable and gripping. How many times are viewers expected to join these guys on these adventures if no attention is given to the characters and no filmmaker takes the material seriously? Let that be a warning to all future filmmakers of this franchise. Otherwise, The Expendables 2 is a flawed but highly enjoyable sequel that all action fans have probably already seen two or three times already.

Rating: 6/10 - A noticeably weaker albeit more fun and action packed sequel to the most testosterone infused franchise around.

Franchise:

The Expendables (dir. Sylvester Stallone, 2010)

The Expendables 2 (dir. Simon West, 2012)

The Expendables 3 (dir. Patrick Hughes, 2014)

Terminator Genisys (2015) - Theatrical Review

Director: Alan Taylor

Cast: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jai Courtney, Emilia Clarke, Jason Clarke, Matt Smith

Country: United States

Rating: PG-13

Run Time: 126 Minutes

When I recently reviewed Terminator 3, I declared it to be the worst Terminator film to date. I now might have to redact that statement though because I just saw Terminator Genisys and it sucked the big one. Terminator Genisys is one of the most overly complicated and boring science fiction films that I have seen to date. This film leaves so many questions and disregards so many franchise consistencies that it boggled my mind at points. I cannot believe that James Cameron of all people gave this film his approval and declared it "the true third film in the series." I wonder how much money Paramount paid him in order to give the film his blessing, because it most certainly does not get mine.

Terminator Genisys comes from Alan Taylor, the director of the bland Thor: The Dark World, and screenwriters Laeta Kalogridis and Patrick Lussier, responsible for such great films as Pathfinder and Dracula 2000. I hope you sense my sarcasm on that last one, because Terminator Genisys was essentially placed into the hands of a bunch of artists who craft schlock, not legitimate and thematic science fiction cinema. These writers' and director's pedigree shows, as Terminator Genisys is nothing but computer generated garbage and studio notes from start to finish. My heart goes out to all of the die hard Terminator fans like myself who saw this film out of loyalty to the franchise and left with a hole in their chest thanks to Alan Taylor's punch of death.

Back again...to disappoint.

I guess I should summarize the plot before I go any further, or at least try my best to summarize the plot, because what plot is there? Terminator Genisys completely disregards the ending of T2 and the entirety of both T3 and T4. The film picks up in a post apocalyptic future where SkyNet took over the world in 1997. However, John Connor has finally led the resistance to victory and crushed SkyNet for good. Unfortunately, SkyNet sends a Terminator through a time machine and yada yada yada you know this. Genisys doesn't start changing things up until Kyle Reese (Jai Courtney) is sent back in time to 1984. Upon his arrival, he discovers that the time line has been completely altered and that Sarah Connor (Emilia Clarke) already has a guardian, an aged T-800 (Arnold Schwarzenegger) who was sent to protect her in 1973. After dealing with both the evil T-800 and T-1000 (Byung Hun Lee), Kyle and friends realize that they must go forward in time to 2017 in order to stop a new threat, Genisys (which is essentially SkyNet but under a different name).

One of the biggest problems that I have with Genisys is that the film cannot decide whether or not it wants to be a reboot or a sequel to the Cameron films. Genisys is more of a greatest hits collection of Terminator moments than it is anything else. The first third of the film is anything but new, as we see characters and events from T1 and T2 pop up. Post apocalyptic future? Check. Time machine? Check. The T-800 going back in time to 1984? Check. The T-1000 getting shot and reforming into liquid metal? Check. "Come with me if you want to live!"? Check. It's all here.

It honestly takes a good hour before Genisys becomes a true reboot and ditches the previous Terminator films altogether. However, if I had to specify what Genisys is, I would call it a reboot-quel, a film that sort of acts as a sequel to other films but reboots the series at the same time with new actors and a new time line. Genisys' own identity as a film is about as complicated as its own plot. You could also call Genisys a Terminator fan film, as it literally combines as many elements from the Terminator franchise as possible while pretending to be fresh and new. It just seems like a real film because it has a $150 million budget and stars Arnold Schwarzenegger. 

Alright! Practical T-800's are b...oh no.

I also have a major issue with the film's casting. Even though every single character has been recast, the T-800 is still played by Arnold Schwarzenegger. What gives? Why does Arnold get to return but everyone else has to be recast. This qualm plays into my other problem regarding the film's status as a reboot and a sequel. If this film were a true reboot, than every single actor would have been recast, including Arnold. However, Arnold's inclusion strengthens the film's status as a sequel that much more.

Even though every actor assigned to each classic role does fine work, they unfortunately have to work with a painfully bad screenplay. Every character interaction is utterly forced and in no way natural or organic. The "romance" between Sarah Connor and Kyle Reese is especially bad. Fortunately, Arnold Schwarzenegger, J.K. Simmons, and Byung Hun Lee shine the best out of anybody. Both Arnold and Byung Hun Lee (A Bittersweet Life, G.I. Joe: Retaliation) play emotionless characters, so their roles are mostly physical and silent. Plus, both actors are bad ass action stars, so it's nice to have two bad asses amongst an otherwise tame film. J.K. Simmons on the other hand plays one of the few new characters, Detective O'Brien, who happened to be saved by Kyle and Sarah back in 1984. His character, a kind and helpful detective, is the only shining light in the entire film.

Genisys is a tad more thematic than Terminator 3 at least, I can give it that. However, the film's attempt at being relevant and thematic is simply chuckle worthy. Genisys is the second film this year, the other being Kingsman: The Secret Service, to utilize society's anticipation for a new app or piece of technology as the villain's tool for taking over the world. The film plays off this Genisys operating system, one that connects our phones with all of the rest of our technology, as if it were a brand new thing in 2017. However, many of our devices in 2015 are already connected with one another. Therefore, Genisys is in no way revolutionary or remotely new, as it mostly exists within our real world society today. Whereas Kingsman handled its technological aspect as satire, Terminator Genisys takes its material deadly seriously and thinks it's on the cusp of warning us of a new technology.

Alright! Robert Patrick is b...aww, nope. It's not him.

Genisys also has the dullest action set pieces of any Terminator film to date. This is a shame because both T1 and T2 revolutionized action filmmaking for both the 80s and the 90s upon their release. And while T3 and T4 didn't have all around fantastic action sequences, both films contain a few choice set pieces that stand out and dazzle me with their jaw dropping imagery and impressive choreography. Genisys on the other hand is dull from start to finish thanks to an over abundance of computer generated imagery and a dull PG-13 rating. I praised the previous Terminator film, Salvation, for its reliance upon practical vehicles and sets for its action set pieces because it grounded the film in realism. Unfortunately, Genisys throws all of that grittiness and realism out of the window for animated schlock that lacks all tension and suspense. Although packed to the brim with action, there is not a single set piece that excited me in any way, shape, or form. Remember when the Terminator franchise was orchestrated around bad ass gun fire and practical stunts? Yeah, that's all gone now.

If you want to skip major spoilers, than jump to my final rating because I am going to delve deep into many of the film's problems concerning its twists. Alright, here we go.

First off, why does the T-5000 attack John in front of Kyle just before he goes back in time? Why not wait for Kyle to leave, and than attack John, thereby tricking Kyle into thinking that everything is fine. Also, who the hell sent the T-800 back in time to protect Sarah? This is arguably the biggest question left by the film and it's all the more frustrating because the screenwriters are obviously planning to answer it in a future film. But come on, this question is so huge that it needed to be answered in this film! Next, why does the T-1000 arrive in the same time line as the T-800, and in a police uniform for goodness sakes?! Therefore, who sent him back? Also, why does the T-800 not grasp the concept of hugs yet? He learned to understand the value of human life in two days in Terminator 2! And yet he can't grasp human affection after being with Sarah for like 10 years.

However, the biggest flaw of all that made my jaw drop during my screening concerned the T-800's decision to terminate itself. The T-800 gets put into a positiong during the big finale where he can detonate the building that will kill SkyNet. However, the T-3000 knows the T-800 won't blow the building because that would mean he would have to kill Sarah Connor. While it is true that a Terminator cannot kill that who it has sworn to protect, the bigger issue at hand concerns the T-800 itself. How the hell do the screenwriters not remember that a Terminator cannot terminate itself?! They play this moment off as if the T-800 would have blown the building and killed himself if Sarah were not involved. It shocks me that James Cameron okay'd this film because that element of the franchise was most apparent during the finale of Terminator 2 in which the T-800 asks for Sarah to kill him. I guess the biggest question of all is how Paramount okay'd this crap?

Alright! It's Terminator! I love this...oh, it's only Terminator Genisys.

When your film introduces that a time machine can be created by anyone in any timeline, the concept of time travel loses its uniqueness. I nearly laughed out loud by the time I saw the third time machine in this film. Terminator Genisys takes what started as one of the most unique franchises about time travel and ruins everything that made the series good. 

One of the reasons that I enjoyed Salvation so much is because it was something new in a franchise built around doing the same old thing. The film accepted T3's flaws and decided to move forward from there with a better product that properly paid homage to Cameron's originals. Unfortunately, Paramount decided to take the series several steps backwards and travel back in time yet again and tell another story about a good Terminator versus a bad Terminator. Paramount essentially threw all of McG's hard work away and decided to do the same old thing once again. I guess that is what pains me the most about Genisys. It is nothing more than an average cookie cutter blockbuster film primed for the most generic audience as possible. However, the film adds injury to insult with its overtly confusing screenplay. I do not look forward to the two eventual sequels and hope that this new trilogy fails to take fruition. This film should have been retitled Terminator Revelations, as it is essentially the end of a once great franchise, not the start of something new (i.e. Genesis, the start of the bible).

Rating: 3/10 - An overly complicated and utterly dull reboot of a franchise that deserves far better at this point.

Franchise:

The Terminator (dir. James Cameron, 1984)

Terminator 2: Judgment Day (dir. James Cameron, 1991)

Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (dir. Jonathan Mostow, 2003)

Terminator: Salvation (dir. McG, 2009)

Terminator: Genisys (dir. Alan Taylor, 2015)

Commando: Director's Cut (1985)

Director: Mark L. Lester

Cast: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Vernon Wells, Bill Duke, Rae Dawn Chong, Alyssa Milano

Country: United States

Rating: R

Run Time: 91 minutes

Arnold's acting career did not get off to a great start. Films like Hercules in New York did nothing but hurt the man and make him look like a fool. However, he got fortunate when he landed the role of Conan in John Milius' 1982 opus Conan the Barbarian, one of the definitive sword and sorcery films. He than followed up that film with The Terminator, his breakout hit that solidified his action stardom. However, both of those films were mature genre pictures that more or less demanded serious performances from Arnold. It wasn't until 1985's Commando when the Arnold that we know now, the fun and self aware bad ass, came into fruition thanks to an extremely tongue in cheek script by Steven E. de Souza and an excessive amount of action courtesy of Mark L. Lester.

Commando is the definitive representation of 80s action. It celebrates excessive violence, larger than life heroes, and machismo as if it were going out of style. Both Commando and Rambo: First Blood Part II helped define the 'one man army' genre picture in 1985 with their over the top portrayals of men on a mission and memorable shots of sweaty muscular bound men wielding heavy machine guns. It should be stated up front that Commando is not a great film per say, as its story is in no way engrossing and its characters in no way realistic. However, it's a damn fun film and arguably one of the most entertaining action pictures of all time. Commando is about as great as a purely entertaining popcorn picture can get without being remotely serious, thematic, or political.

Just about every shot is as manly and iconic as this.

John Matrix (Arnold Schwarzenegger) is a former Delta Force operator and a current single father of one, living a happy life of solitude with his daughter Jenny (Alyssa Milano). However, old skeletons from his closet come knocking on his door when his former superior warns him of numerous attacks on old members of his unit. Just after Matrix's superior leaves him, armed mercenaries storm his home and kidnap both Matrix and his daughter. Matrix soon discovers that Darius (Dan Hadeya), a former dictator of South America, and Bennett (Vernon Wells), a psychopathic former member of his unit, are behind everything.

Darius wants Matrix to murder the current dictator of South America or else he will kill his daughter Jenny. However, Matrix refuses to go along with the plan and escapes the plane that would have taken him to South America. Matrix now has 12 hours to find his daughter Jenny before the plane lands without him and alerts Darius of his failure to comply. What follows is an hour and a half of straight gun fights, fist fights, and hilarious one-liners in what is arguably Arnold's most entertaining film to date.

While some people may consider Rambo: First Blood Part II to be the ultimate 'man on a mission' film, I have always preferred Commando for its shameless violence and gratuitous level of entertainment. Commando has all of the excessive action and high body count of a mid-80s Rambo film but without all of the political subtext and controlling fingers of one Sylvester Stallone. Therefore, Commando is the perfect film to pop in for a light and entertaining watch.

Vernon Wells brings all of his Road Warrior crazy to Commando.

It's important to point out that Arnold's films have always been more successful because he trusted his directors or producers and placed himself into their hands as an actor ready to entertain while Stallone always took control of nearly every one of his projects by making himself the screenwriter, producer, or director. One look at both icons' filmographies will reveal that Stallone has always been self conscious about his image while Arnold simply seemed to have the time of his life with both the filmmakers he trusted and the films he made. Commando is nothing but a good time, and sometimes that's exactly what I demand from my entertainment. There is a time and place for the politics of Rambo, but blending political melodrama with over the top action of Rambo: First Blood Part II makes it harder to take Stallone's message seriously. First Blood? Nailed it. First Blood Part II? Not so much.

Commando opens with arguably one of the cheesiest credits of all time as Matrix and his daughter hang out with one another. They feed a deer, eat ice cream, practice karate, and play in a pool together all set to James Horner's amazing score. It's hard to explain, but I can't help but laugh when I see 80s era Arnold laugh. The dude has a hilarious smile.

In a sense, Commando was the original Taken. Both films tell a story about what a father will do in order to get his daughter back from her captors. The big difference between them though is that Commando is an escapist fantasy whereas Taken is a captivating and realistic drama. One look at the two's kill counts says it all: Matrix kills over 100 people in his wake to get to his daughter while Mills kills around 20 to 30. Sure, Mills is a lethal force to be reckoned with. But Matrix is an unstoppable killing machine who might as well be the physical incarnation of death. He literally, and I exaggerate in no way, takes on an entire army in the film's infamous final action scene and kills every single poor soul who dares to get in his way. The beat down that John Matrix dishes out on Darius and his men is the ultimate revenge befitting of their heinous crimes.

Matrix takes down an entire army as if it were nothing.

All of the action sequences in Commando are primed to be as ridiculous and entertaining as possible. We see Matrix take on a squadron of mall cops, massacre an entire army of armed soldiers, and even throw a pipe clean through a man's chest only for steam to come out of it. I'm pretty certain that Commando features Arnold highest on screen kill count, or at least features the most individual deaths by Arnold's hands. Commando is 80s action at its finest and most entertaining, backed by one of the greatest arsenals of one liners in action-dom.

Commando might have the greatest selection of Arnold one liners in all of his filmography next to Predator and Total Recall thanks to lines like, "I'll be back, Bennett," "Please don't wake my friend he's dead tired," "Remember when I told you I'd save you for last Sully? I lied," "Let's party," and the all time classic, "Let off some steam, Bennett." It was here where the self aware bad ass that we know Arnold as now was born; an action star so bad ass and humorous that you couldn't help but love him for giving you exactly what you wanted to see on the big screen.

Commando also excels as a Joel Silver production because it features a fantastic selection of Joel Silver players and other recognizable character actors from the 80s and 90s. We are treated to a menacing henchman performance by Bill Duke (Predator, Action Jackon), a one scene appearance by Carlos Cervantes (Scarface, Extreme Prejudice), another psychotic and villainous turn by Vernon Wells (The Road Warrior), a scummy and hilarious appearance by David Patrick Kelly (The Warriors), a very racist but still enjoyable lead villain by Dan Hedeya (Blood Simple), and a blink and you'll miss it cameo by Bill Paxton (Aliens, Predator 2). Even though Arnold is enough to hold any action fan's attention, each and every one of these bad ass character actors helps the film that much more.

Realism.

I love Commando, plain and simple. Just about every action fan does. Whereas The Terminator has the more gripping themes, Conan the Barbarian has the more epic story, and Predator has the most tension, Commando is the most purely entertaining and well rounded of any Arnold film to date. It has all of the laughs, gore, and drama that you want from an action film, but without any of the complex characters or deep themes that make other action classics good films stripped of their action. Although not a perfect film in its own right, Commando is one of the all time action classics, and a must watch along side First Blood and Die Hard if you are to understand the decade that is 80s action. If you ever meet someone who can't enjoy Commando, then outright end that friendship John Matrix style by dropping them off a cliff.

Rating: 9/10 - A silly but unabashedly entertaining 'man on a mission' film in which Arnold lays waste to an entire army.